You're Never Going To Believe It...

[alfiejts]

We'd started exchanging a few off the wall motoring experiences on another thread and decided that rather than hijacking another thread that was for another purpose, we'd start a fresh thread...

So this is where you can post your "Victor Meldrew" experiences to lighten the day and to demonstrate just how "uneducated" or "unaware" some motorists can be....

[alfiejts]

I'll start....

So I was paying for my fuel the other day when I noticed a people carrier at another pump with a completely flat front tyre.

As I queued at the till, I saw two women get into it and thought - they must know they have a flat...

Anyway, I paid and got into my car just as they pulled away.

So I'm sat behind them waiting to pull off the forecourt and think - I really should tell them if they haven't noticed themselves - so I jump out, run forward and tap on the window.

"Oh thank you" she says, "but I have no idea how to use the air pump - would you please help me?"

My heart sinks as I can see my "good samariton" bit spiralling out of control.

So we back up and go to the air pump and I start trying to inflate the tyre.

Nothing much happens and I trace the loud hissing sound to a large (1cm) hole in the sidewall - as fast as I pump air in, it comes out again....

Its obvious from the scraping on the wheel and tyre that its been hit against a kerb or similar quite hard and punctured the sidewall - and the bumper was showing severe scrape marks too.

"I heard a big bang the other day" she says. ("But never thought to look over your car, to see what might have caused it" I add mentally)

So I told her that there was nothing more I could do - that she'd have to get the tyre replaced and that it really wasn't safe to be driving on it. I then watched as she drove out of the garage to take the car home.....

[alfiejts]

So we were in school a few years ago at parent's evening, sitting in front of my son's physics teacher.

"He's a typical boy and your daughter was a typical girl", he says. "What do you mean?", we ask.

"Well without being sexist, boys and girls learn in very different ways", he says. "Boys listen to what you say, analyse it to see if it makes sense, relate it to what else they know and accept it as valid learning if they can reconcile it to everything else they know. Girls hang on to your every word and learn what you tell them, unquestioningly, parrot fashion."

That's been brought home and validated whilst watching my kids grow up and learn to drive....

In rural Lancashire (as in Lincolnshire and other farming areas). we have a number of country roads that have 90-degree sharp corners on them as they go around a corner at the edge of a field.

We're in our Yaris doing "driving practice" one day and I'm impressed at the quality and standard of my daughter's driving confidence and quality.

So we're following this country lane (60MPH limit) and doing about 55MPH. I'm thinking, "This is good. She has good confidence and is driving well, keeping her speed up a level appropriate with the road conditions."

We approach one of those very sharp, 90-degree corners - not a bend, an abrupt "corner" - as the road goes around the field edge.

The bend gets closer and closer. I'm thinking - its time we were slowing down for the bend... No reaction....

It gets even closer and I think - this is really time we should be starting to brake....

Eventually, at the last safe moment, as there's no sign of my daughter making the decision to slow down herself, I cry out "brake, slow down". We do and we scrabble around the bend successfully.

When I ask why she went into the bend so fast and didn;t slow to an appropriate speed, her reply was, "My driving instructor told me that on a 60MPH road, you should always do at least 50 miles per hour."

And I thought back to the physics teacher and how right he was.

I can just hear the driving instructor saying that on a 60 MPH you should keep your speed above 50mph when conditions permit - but what he didn't say (and assumed unnecessary) was that you still need to slow down for corners! Priceless...

[Jamesbelfast]

I'll start....

So I was paying for my fuel the other day when I noticed a people carrier at another pump with a completely flat front tyre.

As I queued at the till, I saw two women get into it and thought - they must know they have a flat...

Anyway, I paid and got into my car just as they pulled away.

So I'm sat behind them waiting to pull off the forecourt and think - I really should tell them if they haven't noticed themselves - so I jump out, run forward and tap on the window.

"Oh thank you" she says, "but I have no idea how to use the air pump - would you please help me?"

My heart sinks as I can see my "good samariton" bit spiralling out of control.

So we back up and go to the air pump and I start trying to inflate the tyre.

Nothing much happens and I trace the loud hissing sound to a large (1cm) hole in the sidewall - as fast as I pump air in, it comes out again....

Its obvious from the scraping on the wheel and tyre that its been hit against a kerb or similar quite hard and punctured the sidewall - and the bumper was showing severe scrape marks too.

"I heard a big bang the other day" she says. ("But never thought to look over your car, to see what might have caused it" I add mentally)

So I told her that there was nothing more I could do - that she'd have to get the tyre replaced and that it really wasn't safe to be driving on it. I then watched as she drove out of the garage to take the car home.....

They didn't happen to be singing - Three wheels on my wagon and I'm still rolling along.................LOL!!!

[Jamesbelfast]

I happened to be in a small independent garage one day when a elderly lady driver came in complaining her left-hand indicator kept coming on all by itself for no apparent reason.

On investigation it was found she was using the indicator stalk as a hook for her handbag which was the size and weight of a fully loaded small suitcase. When all was explained she muttered Oh Dear I'll just have to use the wiper stalk instead. She promptly jumped into the car as was last seen disappearing up the road with the wipers going full tilt on a bright sunny day.:)

[Richard Davies]

I happened to be in a small independent garage one day when a elderly lady driver came in complaining her left-hand indicator kept coming on all by itself for no apparent reason.

On investigation it was found she was using the indicator stalk as a hook for her handbag which was the size and weight of a fully loaded small suitcase. When all was explained she muttered Oh Dear I'll just have to use the wiper stalk instead. She promptly jumped into the car as was last seen disappearing up the road with the wipers going full tilt on a bright sunny day.:)

That reminds me of the story about a car mechanic who looked at a car owned by an old woman who complained that it was rough running. She offered to give him a drive & while on this noticed that she kept the choke fully out with her handbag strap hanging on the lever.

Almost like the computer owner who tried using the CD-Rom drive tray as a cup holder.

Often I've been surprised at how dark it needs to get before some people turn their lights on, especially in bad weather conditions.

[gar]

Hmmm! Sound like the ol' urban myths, if you ask me!

[Bob44]

I once had a 4x4 lexus in front of me and was as if the driver was intoxicated out of his/her mind. Swerving left to right and randomally engaging the indicater for a good couple of miles untill it everntually turned off at a junction. Whilst following i causiously backed off just in case...

[Raeman]

I remember losing my 1979 Mini Clubman in a multi-story car park years ago....

I couldn't remember if i parked on level 5 or 6 and whilst walking around level 5, i saw the back of it and it was mine alright, Brown and T reg...

Then i opened the door only to see the dashboard covered with tacky plastic Jesus & Mary statues, rosary beads hanging off the mirror, cushions on the back seats and a sheepskin front seat cover!

Then i realised it was NOT my car, but another Brown T reg Mini Must have belonged to an old lady cos i actually sat in the thing and the seat was right up to the wheel, plus it smelled of old lady perfume like my gran used to wear bless her.

I very quickly got out, locked the door and went up to level 6, there was MY Mini, with it's chunky cobra superslot wheels and bucket seat....plus loads of rust and rot!! (great car though)

I also realised that day, that my Mini key would open other Mini's doors and probably fire the engine up had i tried!

A really strange but funny experiance that was. ;)

[Mick G]

I also realised that day, that my Mini key would open other Mini's doors and probably fire the engine up had i tried!

Yeah, I used to work in a factory and had a clothes locker to keep your stuff in while working. The key for the locker worked fine for getting in my Mini. I imagine any vaguely key-shaped item would have worked too.

Nice.

[alfiejts]

Back in the old days, there were only a couple of hundred different keys for all the cars on the road in the UK.

You could walk into a car spares shop and they'd be all lined up on the back wall.

You just had to quote the number stamped on your own key and they'd just pick the right key off the wall to sell you...

There must have been hundreds of cars with the same key fitting.....

[Richard Davies]

I've heard that Ford used to have very few combinations of keys until they introduced a new style of lock in the late 1980s.

Even this had a quirk, according to my Uncle.

For some reason any key for this format could lock any car with the same style of locks, leading to some people accidently locking the right keys in a car by accidently locking it with a wrong key.

A few years I found this to be true when I tried out the key from my brother's Escort in the lock of my Mum' Fiesta, making the proper key was in a safe place.

Talking of mixing up cars, my gran had a beige Triumph Acclaim for many years. Me & my brother used to be allowed to sit in it, as she normally kept in unlocked in a locked garage with the keys carefully hidden.

One day she had left it parked outside her house unlocked, & trying the door I found it unlocked. After a few minutes playing with switches I got bored & came inside. Not long after I had to fetch something from the garage & found that my Gran's car was in there.

I've no idea who's car was outside, though whoever it was shouldn't have left it unlocked, even on a quiet suburban street.

I kept my mouth shut for 20+ years until now!

[ItalianStig]

well was driving today and let some woman out from a parking space in her BMW 7 series thinking i would receive a wave or thank you back , well the outcome was a 15 ft BMW driving passed me at 30 mph with a grumpy old rich lady in the front with no thanks lol

Second senario, me driving down the left lane on a main road and some girl decides to run red lights and indicate into my lane infront of me, little did she know i didnt let her in , she forced her way into the front off me and then had the cheek to say thanks after she left me no other alternative lol

I guess its welcome to the world of driving to me lol

[louise74]

My stupid pillock moment came last week when I managed to jam my boot lock by getting my rucksack handle stuck in it, and then the other night I blared my horn at someone for them not having their lights on and then relised that mine were switched off as well.

[eddieinvader]

On about the ford keys my mates and I used to have great fun with these when we were younger we used to be into rally cars and the mark II escort was our car of choice, if you could find your car as we used to go around constantly taking each others cars, just for the fun of it, those were the days.

[KPARRIS-JONES]

On the day of the purchase of my GTi, I decided to give the strut brace a good polish up and to clean the rest of the engine bay.

I managed to get the 6 bolts off of the strut tops, but then my dad dropped the 14mm socket for the two rear bolts down into the engine bay. It landed on the plastic aprons below, firmly lodge underneath the sump where you cannot reach it without getting underneath the car.

We acted quickly as the light was fading away, and started to jack up the car from the cross-member. As it got higher and higher, we noticed that the wheels refused to lift off the ground. We were slightly understanding of this due to the 4X4 stance of most 80's cars, but suspicion was raised at the sound of a metallic/rubber crunch.

Upon further inspection, we noticed that the whole front suspension setup had just fallen through the strut-tops. A simultaneous "ah" was shared between the two of us.....

The comedy began as he lifted the considerably wheels and suspension up into the struts again and I had to tighten the nuts onto the threads again! The job was done after 10 minutes and the loss of 4 spinal vertebrae. I personally found the experience hilarious, my dad however....

[GIDDLEPIN]

In the early days of motoring you were ok if the speedo failed because you could rely on the ammeter........I once put the pedal to the metal and it nearly made 15 amps ;)

[Karma Supra]

I also realised that day, that my Mini key would open other Mini's doors and probably fire the engine up had i tried!

My mum did exactly the same thing many years ago in a triumph spitfire

My MD recently had an Audi A6 Diesel and took it to Audi to get it serviced, he told the service people to look at the CD changer as if kept on stopping whenever he hit the slightest bump and not restarting. On getting the car back and looking at the service receipt he exploded when he saw that they had not fixed the CD changer and demanded to speak to the mechanic responsible...

the mechanic quietly came out and pointed out that his phone charger in the glove box was being squashed again the CD cassette eject button when he closed the glove box door, the result was the smallest bump made it eject the cartridge...

Another pet hate of mine is idiots that drive with their fog lights on when it is clearly not foggy, even more so when they use them in conjunction with sidelights as an alternative to dipped beam at night/dusk. I once actually stopped a woman in a legacy estate and after asking her (politely) if she was lost because it’s a private road pointed out that she also has her fog lights on and it is not foggy. Her reply?

“Really? I didn’t know, how do you turn them off?”

[Parts-King]

Had a customer come in kicking off that the wipers were not working after having it serviced (yer that old chestnut lol) anyway on investigation, our techie looked down into the louvre panel/ scuttle panel to see the motor and was a bit unsure of what he was looking at. The panel was stripped down to get at the motor and the whole of that area was filled with dried dog food pelletts. Some animal (squirrell or rat or something) had been stealing the food and stashing it in the scuttle panel area, jamming the wiper motor and linkage when you tried to operate it. i thought that food was going down quick he said

I dont think we got an apology for the "since you serviced it" comment tho

Kingo

[Cherry Red Pocket Rocket]

hat baffles me is the number of motorists who don't have their lights on when it is really dark or raining heavily. Today I was driving from Reading to Bracknell and was on that really big roundabout which has been become almightily confusing due to the road works going on. An old couple come round the round about the wrong way and then try to turn around and go somewhere else with on coming traffic and other motorists just sat there dumbfounded.

[Bizarra]

well was driving today and let some woman out from a parking space in her BMW 7 series thinking i would receive a wave or thank you back , well the outcome was a 15 ft BMW driving passed me at 30 mph with a grumpy old rich lady in the front with no thanks lol

Second senario, me driving down the left lane on a main road and some girl decides to run red lights and indicate into my lane infront of me, little did she know i didnt let her in , she forced her way into the front off me and then had the cheek to say thanks after she left me no other alternative lol

I guess its welcome to the world of driving to me lol

Silly man You may have passed your test with flying colours but you still have to learn about life in the real world :bookworm: Ladies ALWAYS drive past with their noses in the air & NEVER give a Thank you wave or even a nod

[Raistlin]

well was driving today and let some woman out from a parking space in her BMW 7 series thinking i would receive a wave or thank you back , well the outcome was a 15 ft BMW driving passed me at 30 mph with a grumpy old rich lady in the front with no thanks lol

Second senario, me driving down the left lane on a main road and some girl decides to run red lights and indicate into my lane infront of me, little did she know i didnt let her in , she forced her way into the front off me and then had the cheek to say thanks after she left me no other alternative lol

I guess its welcome to the world of driving to me lol

Silly man You may have passed your test with flying colours but you still have to learn about life in the real world :bookworm: Ladies ALWAYS drive past with their noses in the air & NEVER give a Thank you wave or even a nod

The only time a lady is safe in a car is when I'm driving and her head is on my lap... ;)

[KPARRIS-JONES]

well was driving today and let some woman out from a parking space in her BMW 7 series thinking i would receive a wave or thank you back , well the outcome was a 15 ft BMW driving passed me at 30 mph with a grumpy old rich lady in the front with no thanks lol

Second senario, me driving down the left lane on a main road and some girl decides to run red lights and indicate into my lane infront of me, little did she know i didnt let her in , she forced her way into the front off me and then had the cheek to say thanks after she left me no other alternative lol

I guess its welcome to the world of driving to me lol

Silly man You may have passed your test with flying colours but you still have to learn about life in the real world :bookworm: Ladies ALWAYS drive past with their noses in the air & NEVER give a Thank you wave or even a nod

The only time a lady is safe in a car is when I'm driving and her head is on my lap... ;)

You have one seriously dirty mind Raist, about time you released some specific energies me thinks?.... :P

[Bizarra]

well was driving today and let some woman out from a parking space in her BMW 7 series thinking i would receive a wave or thank you back , well the outcome was a 15 ft BMW driving passed me at 30 mph with a grumpy old rich lady in the front with no thanks lol

Second senario, me driving down the left lane on a main road and some girl decides to run red lights and indicate into my lane infront of me, little did she know i didnt let her in , she forced her way into the front off me and then had the cheek to say thanks after she left me no other alternative lol

I guess its welcome to the world of driving to me lol

Silly man You may have passed your test with flying colours but you still have to learn about life in the real world :bookworm: Ladies ALWAYS drive past with their noses in the air & NEVER give a Thank you wave or even a nod

The only time a lady is safe in a car is when I'm driving and her head is on my lap... ;)

You have one seriously dirty mind Raist, about time you released some specific energies me thinks?.... :P

Yeah ;) but YOU always understand what he means! :lol2:

[KPARRIS-JONES]

well was driving today and let some woman out from a parking space in her BMW 7 series thinking i would receive a wave or thank you back , well the outcome was a 15 ft BMW driving passed me at 30 mph with a grumpy old rich lady in the front with no thanks lol

Second senario, me driving down the left lane on a main road and some girl decides to run red lights and indicate into my lane infront of me, little did she know i didnt let her in , she forced her way into the front off me and then had the cheek to say thanks after she left me no other alternative lol

I guess its welcome to the world of driving to me lol

Silly man You may have passed your test with flying colours but you still have to learn about life in the real world :bookworm: Ladies ALWAYS drive past with their noses in the air & NEVER give a Thank you wave or even a nod

The only time a lady is safe in a car is when I'm driving and her head is on my lap... ;)

You have one seriously dirty mind Raist, about time you released some specific energies me thinks?.... :P

Yeah ;) but YOU always understand what he means! :lol2:

True true.... then again, the more you know...