Darwin Awards

[Raistlin]

You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado

here are the Darwin awards for this year.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he

ran,' accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection

from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when

it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach

used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach

him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to

free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a

bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long

flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed

into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends

who bet he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his

mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front

door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the

store. The shop was full of customers at the time and a uniformed

officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the

would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a

target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and

several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was

pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators

located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy

revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7

different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONOURABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at

2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window

to see what would happen. They failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them

said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in

the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least

10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival

at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a

bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and

pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay nearby. They secured

one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His

fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at

the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was

rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated

elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,

figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the

ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.

Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the

elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It

seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that... 'Shit happens'

PROBABLY FOR THE BEST THAT THESE PEOPLE REMOVE THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL...

[Bizarra]

Brilliant

Likewise the suggestion @ the end