How To Shower

[Raistlin]

How To Shower Like a woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband looking, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah Scrunchie and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband looking once again, cover up any exposed areas.

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How To Shower Like a Man

Refill fresh water tank and then wait 4hrs until it heats the water again.

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk..

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of enclosure or door not closed properly the whole time.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on..

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

[Bizarra]

Why would anyone want to do all that ?

Once a year was good enough for King Henry V111 & he had 6 wives, or was it Henry the V1 and 8 wives ?

Anyhoooo. Point made

[Bizarra]

Why wasn't he Henry 11X ?

[Raistlin]

Why would anyone want to do all that ?

Once a year was good enough for King Henry V111 & he had 6 wives, or was it Henry the V1 and 8 wives ?

Anyhoooo. Point made

I heard you had a shower once a month whether you needed it or not

[Bizarra]

Why would anyone want to do all that ?

Once a year was good enough for King Henry V111 & he had 6 wives, or was it Henry the V1 and 8 wives ?

Anyhoooo. Point made

I heard you had a shower once a month whether you needed it or not

Exaggerated filthy rumour :ffs: Once every Season Why would I wish to wash the natural oils out of my delicate, translucent skin? :lol2: