Workplace Hazardous Materials Information System

[Raistlin]

Substance: Women

Chemical system: Wow

Manufacturer: God

Typical Size: Average weight 115 lbs; specimens can vary from 90 to 200 lbs.

Occurrence: Large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Surface Tension - Soft and warm

2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.

3. Boils at nothing.

4. Freezes without reason.

5. Melts with special reason.

6. Flavour initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.

7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common ore.

8. Yields to pressure applied at certain points.

9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.

10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Has affinity for gold, silver and precious stones.

2. Absorbs great quantity of expensive substances.

3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood.

4. Verbal activity greatly increased by alcohol saturation.

5. Most powerful money reducing agent known.

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental.

2. Relatively brief exposure can be a great aid to relaxation.

3. Pleasurable companion until legally owned.

SUBSTANCE VERIFICATION

1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state.

2. Turns green when compared to better specimens.

HAZZARDS

1. May explode spontaneously without cause.

2. Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time.

3. Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards

[Bizarra]

Brilliant & hits the nail on the head

Copied, pasted & on it's way by e-mail to all on my e-mail list of contacts

[Raistlin]

I knew you'd relate to it :D

[KPARRIS-JONES]

Raist, I suggest you run and hide, something I will do after saying this:

"LOL COULDN'T BE MORE GODDAMN TRUE!"

:shutit:

:lol2:

[Bizarra]

Raist, I suggest you run and hide, something I will do after saying this:

"LOL COULDN'T BE MORE GODDAMN TRUE!"

:shutit:

:lol2:

And so say all of us !

[KPARRIS-JONES]

Sometimes the truth hurts, but in this case it proves very useful:

Married man goes with his secretary to her apartment.

They have passionate sex for hours and fall asleep.

He wakes up at 8 and starts to panic, and says:

"Quick, go and take my shoes. Rub them in the grass outside and get them muddy!"

The secretary, looking rather puzzled follows his orders and rubs the shoes in the mud.

He gets home to his wife who looks at him sternly and asks:

"Where the hell have you been!?"

To which he replies:

"Darling I cannot lie; I was having fantastic sex with my secretary all day and didn't wake up until 8pm."

She looks down at his shoes, "You lying bastard! You've been out playing golf!!"

:lol2:

[Raistlin]

Sometimes the truth hurts, but in this case it proves very useful:

Married man goes with his secretary to her apartment.

They have passionate sex for hours and fall asleep.

He wakes up at 8 and starts to panic, and says:

"Quick, go and take my shoes. Rub them in the grass outside and get them muddy!"

The secretary, looking rather puzzled follows his orders and rubs the shoes in the mud.

He gets home to his wife who looks at him sternly and asks:

"Where the hell have you been!?"

To which he replies:

"Darling I cannot lie; I was having fantastic sex with my secretary all day and didn't wake up until 8pm."

She looks down at his shoes, "You lying bastard! You've been out playing golf!!"

I am so glad that you feel confident enough to hash up one of my old jokes, May I point out that there are well over 5,000 more on my joke page if you care to look...

Some are even funny :D

[KPARRIS-JONES]

Many different versions and not one that I remembered from your thread. Feels good to have a thread almost no one reads doesn't it?

[Raistlin]

Feels good to have a thread almost no one reads doesn't it?

That could be true if it wasn't for the 84,488 views of my page... SMUG, We have an App for that

[KPARRIS-JONES]

Feels good to have a thread almost no one reads doesn't it?

That could be true if it wasn't for the 84,488 views of my page... SMUG, We have an App for that

DAMN!!! Meant to put "replies to"

-1 For flame posting KP... smooth....

[Raistlin]

Feels good to have a thread almost no one reads doesn't it?

That could be true if it wasn't for the 84,488 views of my page... SMUG, We have an App for that

-1 For flame posting KP... smooth....

Nothing to add, I just wanted to see it in it's right environment

[KPARRIS-JONES]

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

I wasn't gonna deny it... :D

[Raistlin]

Feels good to have a thread almost no one reads doesn't it?

That could be true if it wasn't for the 84,488 views of my page... SMUG, We have an App for that

-1 For flame posting KP... smooth....

Nothing to add, I just wanted to see it in it's right environment

No, it still looks good, I might keep this going for a while :D

[KPARRIS-JONES]

Add it to your sig. :D

It's flattering to know you are this attached to something to do with me.

[Raistlin]

Add it to your sig.

It's flattering to know you are this attached to something to do with me.

It's only written proof that I am superior, It was pass

[KPARRIS-JONES]

It is no comment upon your superiority, only my flaws.

I would hate to think I could comment upon something none-existent. :D

[Raistlin]

Cogito ergo sum...

[Bizarra]

Cogito ergo sum...

ERgo [not Ego-long memory ] you do not exist

Quod erat demonstrandum

[Raistlin]

It is no comment upon your superiority, only my flaws.

I would hate to think I could comment upon something none-existent.

Vic, is that an error ?

Obviously No spell checker

[Bizarra]

It is no comment upon your superiority, only my flaws.

I would hate to think I could comment upon something none-existent.

Vic, is that an error ?

Obviously No spell checker

Well spotted, that Man

Now wait for the fumbling excuses

[Raistlin]

Only if he knows he is wrong...

Which is Doubtful