Man Vs Woman

[Mstock3]

Story,

Man works away from Home so no need to two cars in the Family, but the situation changes the man needs a car, so does the Women, so the man buys a car for the woman's local journeys and lugging the dogs around. The woman doesn't like the new car, so the man puts up with driving this "moon mileage" no AC or radio car, while the woman drives the 2010 family car, filling it with kid and dog debris. The man, looks at his fast depreciating car but luckily has the privleage of driving the car when it needs fuel or other man things doing, washing, hoovering and maintenance. The man thinks this isn't right and after having assisting his brother-in-law to buy a Toyota RAV 4.1 believes this is the right car for him - no more moon mileage but..... woman likes the new car (RAV) very much. Family car now relegated to second place but man still has same privleage's except now clearing debris etc from RAV. Recently the woman declares she needs to use the RAV tonight and has the man put fuel in it recently, the man thinking on his feet and looking at the weather decides to use, to his benefit, the jerry can of fuel that has been put aside for his other petrol powered tools. Now the woman has parked the RAV close to the hedge and the man can't get the jerry and funnel to work, so decants fuel to proper petrol container with flexible filler. The man can't get any fuel into the car, puzzled he returns to the workshop to inspect said container and finds the the flexible filler blocked by dead mouse. The man knows that this is a near miss, not of his making as he is not responsible for catching mice, but can't bear to think of the challenge of retreving a dead rodent from the petrol tank or would this have mean't the RAV becomes his.....

[crofter]

Any more clues to the answer?

[Big Kev]

Personally, having read your story, I can see the relevance of your well chosen avatarial pictorial....you are obviously like me....nuts....and I will not sleep tonight thanks to you. I breed mice under my house, and take every loss personally.

Big Kev

Edit: Have just Googlied your address, "Sea Level"...no such place....all now clear. Alien...

[anchorman]

Don't worry about a mouse in the tank, the cat in the exhaust will sort it out.

If man does washing, ironing and active in looking after kids then he might have a case but if not he should be thankful for some theraputic "head in the sand" activities

[bothwell_buyer]

Does the above conform to the Equalities Policy; and fit with the Health and safety Policy? And does yer insurance company know you are carrying more passengers than there are seats? It could invalidate any claim!

[Mstock3]

The Final chapter, you hope.

The un-PC Man, possibly from Mars, having had the necessary risk assessment (TV soap, Chocolate and Tea) duly authorised by the Woman (possibly from Venus) has permission to visit his gentleman’s club commonly known as the “workshop”. Now the man, having recently got a conscience, due to government imposed fiscal controls decides to investigate the possible size of the illegal rodent immigrants residing in his domain and to understand what food the man is providing.

The first evidence is not good, rubber from the Man’s VDE approved screwdrivers has been eaten, subsequently he finds the rubber from his water pump pliers and long nose pliers has also been subjected to what must have been a medieval feast (plier’s very old circa 1976). Further inspection finds rodent occupation within a new boxed mass air flow sensor, that was obviously the preferred residence to its highly insulated properties (rodent building regs approved – plastic chips) and its freely available food source of plastic on the MAF.

In true panic fashion, having already been barred from wielding sharp metal objects with long handles, the man decides to re-deploy one of the dogs, the one with mixed parentage, having already shown an ability to seek out uninvited guests onto his property, (sorry Anc’s this had already rendered your Cat solution impossible, well not impossible but difficult to control where the cat would end up!) Said canine, with nose to the ground identifies interest near to the Mans 350bhp "spaceship", known by the woman as “mid-life crisis”, but also commonly known as an Audi RS2. Cries of pain can be heard across sea level Somerset and on lifting the bonnet the evidence is very obvious, the three week old, second mortgage, HT Leads have been refashioned into a five course meal (5 cylinder).

The Man is visiting both his local motor factors and hardware shop this morning. The man’s bank manager has been cordially invited to the motor factors, but he is sure he will get a letter from him at some point. The Man has also calculated the requisite number of rodent rehoming devices he needs to cover the workshop floor, but is able, subject to hand baggage allowances very happy to rehome some to your breeding colony Kevragoorooguy as he is visiting Glasgow tomorrow.

A white van has pulled up outside the mans house, he must go now

[Mike JD]

What is it about foam rubber and plastic that appeals to these rodent creatures? Same experience here with water pump pliers plus most of the pipe insulation the CH pipes under suspended floors and my best split leather blackthorn and gorse proof welders gauntlets have been reduced to fingerless mitts.

Her ladyship offered to cook up some foam plastic for me to try but I said I thought she often already had. It seems she is suffering from sense of humour deficiency

Mike D

The Final chapter, you hope.

The un-PC Man, possibly from Mars, having had the necessary risk assessment (TV soap, Chocolate and Tea) duly authorised by the Woman (possibly from Venus) has permission to visit his gentleman’s club commonly known as the “workshop”. Now the man, having recently got a conscience, due to government imposed fiscal controls decides to investigate the possible size of the illegal rodent immigrants residing in his domain and to understand what food the man is providing.

The first evidence is not good, rubber from the Man’s VDE approved screwdrivers has been eaten, subsequently he finds the rubber from his water pump pliers and long nose pliers has also been subjected to what must have been a medieval feast (plier’s very old circa 1976). Further inspection finds rodent occupation within a new boxed mass air flow sensor, that was obviously the preferred residence to its highly insulated properties (rodent building regs approved – plastic chips) and its freely available food source of plastic on the MAF.

In true panic fashion, having already been barred from wielding sharp metal objects with long handles, the man decides to re-deploy one of the dogs, the one with mixed parentage, having already shown an ability to seek out uninvited guests onto his property, (sorry Anc’s this had already rendered your Cat solution impossible, well not impossible but difficult to control where the cat would end up!) Said canine, with nose to the ground identifies interest near to the Mans 350bhp "spaceship", known by the woman as “mid-life crisis”, but also commonly known as an Audi RS2. Cries of pain can be heard across sea level Somerset and on lifting the bonnet the evidence is very obvious, the three week old, second mortgage, HT Leads have been refashioned into a five course meal (5 cylinder).

The Man is visiting both his local motor factors and hardware shop this morning. The man’s bank manager has been cordially invited to the motor factors, but he is sure he will get a letter from him at some point. The Man has also calculated the requisite number of rodent rehoming devices he needs to cover the workshop floor, but is able, subject to hand baggage allowances very happy to rehome some to your breeding colony Kevragoorooguy as he is visiting Glasgow tomorrow.

A white van has pulled up outside the mans house, he must go now

[three5]

The Final chapter, you hope.

The un-PC Man, possibly from Mars, having had the necessary risk assessment (TV soap, Chocolate and Tea) duly authorised by the Woman (possibly from Venus) has permission to visit his gentleman’s club commonly known as the “workshop”. Now the man, having recently got a conscience, due to government imposed fiscal controls decides to investigate the possible size of the illegal rodent immigrants residing in his domain and to understand what food the man is providing.

The first evidence is not good, rubber from the Man’s VDE approved screwdrivers has been eaten, subsequently he finds the rubber from his water pump pliers and long nose pliers has also been subjected to what must have been a medieval feast (plier’s very old circa 1976). Further inspection finds rodent occupation within a new boxed mass air flow sensor, that was obviously the preferred residence to its highly insulated properties (rodent building regs approved – plastic chips) and its freely available food source of plastic on the MAF.

In true panic fashion, having already been barred from wielding sharp metal objects with long handles, the man decides to re-deploy one of the dogs, the one with mixed parentage, having already shown an ability to seek out uninvited guests onto his property, (sorry Anc’s this had already rendered your Cat solution impossible, well not impossible but difficult to control where the cat would end up!) Said canine, with nose to the ground identifies interest near to the Mans 350bhp "spaceship", known by the woman as “mid-life crisis”, but also commonly known as an Audi RS2. Cries of pain can be heard across sea level Somerset and on lifting the bonnet the evidence is very obvious, the three week old, second mortgage, HT Leads have been refashioned into a five course meal (5 cylinder).

The Man is visiting both his local motor factors and hardware shop this morning. The man’s bank manager has been cordially invited to the motor factors, but he is sure he will get a letter from him at some point. The Man has also calculated the requisite number of rodent rehoming devices he needs to cover the workshop floor, but is able, subject to hand baggage allowances very happy to rehome some to your breeding colony Kevragoorooguy as he is visiting Glasgow tomorrow.

A white van has pulled up outside the mans house, he must go now

Hi Mike,

an old friend ( time served electrician ) had trouble with his RCD tripping occasionally and could not find the answer. Drove him to premature baldness ( he said it was premature anyway ). Eventually on a foray under his suspended wooden floor he found the cause: Areas of bare copper where there had previously been Twin and Earth AND a group of little dry corpses that seem to demonstrate a)that each mini-rodent could only perform this trick once and B) that they didn't learn from one anothers errors.

NOW, did they learn that from us or did we learn it from them.............

[crofter]

Hope the Man obtained all the certificationing and licencethingying for importationing of said livestock into the great and glorious English Motherland.

I hereby inform the Man he must strictly adhere to Section 2754 (rodents (mouses) rights act)and draw your attention to paragraph 968(M),all rodent immigrants must be offered

(1) counseling to combat culture shock,due to having to wear trousers.

(2) opportunity to receive comprehensive instruction in their new native language.

(3) be supplied with NEW water pump pliers(plastic grips to comply as per section 3207WP16

and NEW HT leads (section 321HT784)specificationing pertaining thereof,as required.

NOTE>Failure to comply fully with the any of the regulations will result in the permanent

ban by TOC (Transport Operatives Consortium) and removal of any licencethingys being

subject to immediate withdrawal if not sooner.so there!

Min of Rodent Aid To Settlementation.(RATS)

Anyone know any proper hobbies for me to do instead?

[Big Kev]

Hope the Man obtained all the certificationing and licencethingying for importationing of said livestock into the great and glorious English Motherland.

I hereby inform the Man he must strictly adhere to Section 2754 (rodents (mouses) rights act)and draw your attention to paragraph 968(M),all rodent immigrants must be offered

(1) counseling to combat culture shock,due to having to wear trousers.

(2) opportunity to receive comprehensive instruction in their new native language.

(3) be supplied with NEW water pump pliers(plastic grips to comply as per section 3207WP16

and NEW HT leads (section 321HT784)specificationing pertaining thereof,as required.

NOTE>Failure to comply fully with the any of the regulations will result in the permanent

ban by TOC (Transport Operatives Consortium) and removal of any licencethingys being

subject to immediate withdrawal if not sooner.so there!

Min of Rodent Aid To Settlementation.(RATS)

Anyone know any proper hobbies for me to do instead?

Del min,

Far be it from me to pass comment, but some of your words above are not really, well, words, as such. "Certificationing" should really end in "...ment", but as I say, far be it from me.....

Big Teach Kev

[Big Kev]

What is it about foam rubber and plastic that appeals to these rodent creatures? Same experience here with water pump pliers plus most of the pipe insulation the CH pipes under suspended floors and my best split leather blackthorn and gorse proof welders gauntlets have been reduced to fingerless mitts.

Her ladyship offered to cook up some foam plastic for me to try but I said I thought she often already had. It seems she is suffering from sense of humour deficiency

Mike D

The Final chapter, you hope.

The un-PC Man, possibly from Mars, having had the necessary risk assessment (TV soap, Chocolate and Tea) duly authorised by the Woman (possibly from Venus) has permission to visit his gentleman’s club commonly known as the “workshop”. Now the man, having recently got a conscience, due to government imposed fiscal controls decides to investigate the possible size of the illegal rodent immigrants residing in his domain and to understand what food the man is providing.

The first evidence is not good, rubber from the Man’s VDE approved screwdrivers has been eaten, subsequently he finds the rubber from his water pump pliers and long nose pliers has also been subjected to what must have been a medieval feast (plier’s very old circa 1976). Further inspection finds rodent occupation within a new boxed mass air flow sensor, that was obviously the preferred residence to its highly insulated properties (rodent building regs approved – plastic chips) and its freely available food source of plastic on the MAF.

In true panic fashion, having already been barred from wielding sharp metal objects with long handles, the man decides to re-deploy one of the dogs, the one with mixed parentage, having already shown an ability to seek out uninvited guests onto his property, (sorry Anc’s this had already rendered your Cat solution impossible, well not impossible but difficult to control where the cat would end up!) Said canine, with nose to the ground identifies interest near to the Mans 350bhp "spaceship", known by the woman as “mid-life crisis”, but also commonly known as an Audi RS2. Cries of pain can be heard across sea level Somerset and on lifting the bonnet the evidence is very obvious, the three week old, second mortgage, HT Leads have been refashioned into a five course meal (5 cylinder).

The Man is visiting both his local motor factors and hardware shop this morning. The man’s bank manager has been cordially invited to the motor factors, but he is sure he will get a letter from him at some point. The Man has also calculated the requisite number of rodent rehoming devices he needs to cover the workshop floor, but is able, subject to hand baggage allowances very happy to rehome some to your breeding colony Kevragoorooguy as he is visiting Glasgow tomorrow.

A white van has pulled up outside the mans house, he must go now

Very mice of you to offer, Mikeo, but I have my house full of rodentialities for the moment, thanks.

Big Bev

[anchorman]

Its time you were in bed. I understood 4% of that

[shcm]

What is it about foam rubber and plastic that appeals to these rodent creatures?

I am told by somebody that soaks up wildlife facts like a sponge that allegedly very often it is the youngsters that are trying to find out what is edible or not. The adults have slightly more sense.

Anchs will tell you about "Stone Marten Spray" available in EU to try to stop the little critters eating your engine harness. I'm led to believe it is very often young Martens having a go at this.

[crofter]

Hope the Man obtained all the certificationing and licencethingying for importationing of said livestock into the great and glorious English Motherland.

I hereby inform the Man he must strictly adhere to Section 2754 (rodents (mouses) rights act)and draw your attention to paragraph 968(M),all rodent immigrants must be offered

(1) counseling to combat culture shock,due to having to wear trousers.

(2) opportunity to receive comprehensive instruction in their new native language.

(3) be supplied with NEW water pump pliers(plastic grips to comply as per section 3207WP16

and NEW HT leads (section 321HT784)specificationing pertaining thereof,as required.

NOTE>Failure to comply fully with the any of the regulations will result in the permanent

ban by TOC (Transport Operatives Consortium) and removal of any licencethingys being

subject to immediate withdrawal if not sooner.so there!

Min of Rodent Aid To Settlementation.(RATS)

Anyone know any proper hobbies for me to do instead?

Del min,

Far be it from me to pass comment, but some of your words above are not really, well, words, as such. "Certificationing" should really end in "...ment", but as I say, far be it from me.....

Big Teach Kev

Many tanks for tekin the tym to ade me in mi serch for edificationingment,O Big Teach Kev.

Mi latin/engerlish dikshunhairy is now in'ter rebikeling bin.

Now in penunce I wil rite the rong wurd 100 tyms.

CertificationingMENT x98+1

Any moor helpfull suggestionments will receive the appropiate responce

[local hero]

Anyone know any proper hobbies for me to do instead?

Have you tried, Woodturning, collecting beermats,Origami,flower arranging, Train/plane spotting, philla, fillater. (stamp collecting) bird watching, gardening, Sudoko, Photography, pottery, Morris Dancing, playing the bagpipes, bear bating, astrology, rambling, clay pigeon shooting, Martial arts, bull fighting, neuclear physics, advanced mathematics, stalking, dogging, flashing, fishing, or dressing up in womens clothes, just a few ideas, I have more Stew

[shcm]

.....and you can't beat the old traditional one of extreme ironing.........

http://www.extremeironing.com/

I quite fancy having a go at the combined ironing and bog snorkelling.