Very Amusing And Quick Read....

[Fizz]

Im not usually one for reading these.. but this was very good..

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After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet,

which

conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft

during

the flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct

the problem, & then respond in writing on the lower half of the form

what remedial action was taken, & the pilot reviews the gripe sheets

before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews & engineers lack a sense of

humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints &

problems

as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by

maintenance

engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has

never

had an accident.

=========================================

> > (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action

>

> > taken by the engineers.)

> >

> > =========================================

> >

> > P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

> >

> > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

> > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

> >

> > P: Something loose in cockpit.

> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.

> >

> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.

> > S: Live bugs on back-order.

> >

> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a

> > 200 feet per minute descent.

> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

> >

> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

> > S: Evidence removed.

> >

> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.

> >

> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

> > S: That's what they're there for.

> >

> > P: IFF inoperative.

> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

> >

> > P: Suspected crack in windshield.

> > S: Suspect you're right.

> >

> > P: Number 3 engine missing.

> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

> >

> > P: Aircraft handles funny.

> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious.

> >

> > P: Target radar hums.

> > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

> >

> > P: Mouse in cockpit.

> > S: Cat installed.

> >

> > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like

> > a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

> > S: Took hammer away from midget.

[vmail]

gud 1

[Rash@R.A.Motors]

:D :D

Rash

[dub_boy]

:D

[GIDDLEPIN]

:D

Beat Ya :P

[Fizz]

:D

Beat Ya :P

bahh... :P

[dave5282]

t'is quality, sometimes reality really is scarier than fiction!!!!

And you say quantas have a good safety record, I would hate to see some of the other opertators!

[Viper_7]

Think I've just entered a Time Warp...that list was doing the E-mail box tours, years ago. Very good though!