Quite Amusing, A Tale Of Broken Chavs

[dave5282]

Hi, there was a big fire on an estate on the other side of town the other night and true it attracted a lot of 'chav' interest.

(Fidgets will love this)

SCARY FACT, THIS EMAIL IS DOING THE ROUNDS, I DO LIVE IN DALTON, AND THERE REALLY WAS A HUGE FIRE, ITS ALL TRUE!!!!

DALTON FIRE APPEAL

Newsflash ..........................

A major fire started at 7.30pm on 7th April, 2004 at Dalton, Cumbria, England.

News of the disaster was swiftly carried by 85,000 racing pigeons. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering, "bloomin'eck" and "chooffinnora". The fire decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementoes from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt-out cars were disturbed and many locals lost their giro’s in the fire. Radio Cumbria reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered by the fact that something interesting had happened in the town.

One resident - Tracey-Sharon Braithwaite, a 15 year old mother of three said, "It was such a shock; my little Chardonnay-Madonna came running into my living room crying, although my youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning".

However, on the positive side, mugging and car crime were carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight into the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings (which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from Poundstretcher).

How Can You Help?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after and those items needed most include:

- Fila or Burberry baseball caps

- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

- Shell suits (female), White sport socks, Rockport boots and any itemusually sold at Hitchens

- Anything by Donnay.

Food parcels to accommodate the special dietary requirements may be harder to assemble but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

- Tins of Lidl baked beans and spaghetti hoops

- Microwave meals

- Asda smartprice ice cream

- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew

- Just 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation form.

- £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine.

- £5 will pay for a packet of Benson & Hedges (matches are not required).

- Tinned whippet food is urgently needed!

Please do not send tents for shelter as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas.

[DazH]

Saw a screensaver for a mobile phone today, just a Burberry cap with the word 'Burglary' under it

[jaxx]

brilliant!

[Fidgits]

Love it!!! especially "bloomin'eck" and "chooffinnora".