Good Advice

[Bizarra]

When it comes to women, I am the first to admit that I haven't a freaking clue.

There's something actually quite liberating about accepting the fact that most men will never understand the murky machinations of the female mind. Well, maybe a few gay lads, but I reckon that's about it.

No, when it comes to this, like so many other matters, I am happy to accept that I'm just a dunce.

But I was given some good advice by my late father on the issue.

Perhaps the most important nugget of wisdom was this: "Son, always remember that compromise is when you both agree she's right," which I reckon is pretty handy.

I was reminded of this the other day when I was chilling out with a mate.

He was staring dolefully into his pint when, and in a moment of madness, I asked him what was wrong.

Big mistake.

As someone with absolutely no interest in the personal lives, let alone the problems, of others, I knew instinctively that I had stepped into a three-pinter, ie how many beers it was going to take for this one to go away.

And the problem?

It was his girlfriend's birthday and he didn't get her a present.

Don't tell me you forgot her bloody birthday? I asked. But it was worse than that.

Because he replied: "She said not to bother getting her a present this year because we're skint."

Lads, take it from Uncle Victor -- even I know that when they say that they don't want a present, they're just reminding you that you better bloody get them one.

[Jamesbelfast]

That's similar to the old story of two guys out fishing one day. One says to the other "Im thinking of divorcing the wife" "What on earth for" his mate asks. Well the first says "she hasn't said a single word to me in nearly a month". Don't be hasty was the reply "women like that are hard to find"

[acetip]

i Have a habit of forgeting wifes birthday and such.Her last birthday i gave her a christmas card by mistake that i had hidden away with a birthday card. just a in case i forgot.

Dont ask how i manage that,cos i dont know. problem is ive managed the wrong card twice.