Little Joke

[DeusMR2]

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not

come work today, I really sick. I got headache,

stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you

today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell

her to give me s*x. That makes better and I can go to

work. You should try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do

what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You

got nice house."

:P

[starletsy]

There is a factory in America which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arm.

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she

reports for her first day promptly at 0800.

The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.

The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to

rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and

the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind

schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2

men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle

Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile

up.

At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains of

Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps

it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between

Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes

of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,

"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday".

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles"

[LORD_ED]

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "s*x".

Now, s*x has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for s*x. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had s*x since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for s*x. He said that every room in the place was for s*x. I said, "You don't understand, s*x keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."

One day I entered s*x in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have s*x entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand", I said, "I had hoped to have s*x on television." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had s*x before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, s*x had left me. He said, "Me too."

Last night s*x ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for s*x..."

My case comes up on Friday...

[pizza boy]

Haha the last un was really funny

Nice

[jaxx]

a young lad and his grandad are sat by a river doing a spot of fishing

the old man pulls out a tinny, cracks it open and begins to drink it.

the lad looks up and says 'grandad, can i have a beer?'

the old man thinks and says 'can you put your manhood in your backside?'

'no' says the lad

'then your not big enough for a beer' he replies

next the old man pulls out a !Removed!, sparksup and has a smoke.

the lad looks up and says 'grandad, can i have a cigarette?'

the old man thinks and says 'can you put your manhood in your backside?'

'no' says the lad

'then your not big enough to smoke' he replies

next the lad pulls out a pack of biscuits, and starts eating them.

the old fella looks down and says ooh give me a biccy'

the lad thinks and says 'can you put your manhood in your backside?'

acting clever grandad says 'of course!'

'the go f**k yourself' he replies

:D

[CoRoLLa_KiD]

[Chappers]

FREE s*x WITH FILL-UP

There was this gas station in Ireland trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free s*x with Fill-up." Soon Paddy pulls in, fills his tank, and then asked for his free s*x.

The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free s*x. Paddy then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free s*x this time but maybe next time".

Some time thereafter, Paddy along with his buddy Murphy, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free s*x. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. Paddy guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free s*x this time".

As they were driving away, Paddy says to Murphy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away free s*x". Murphy replies, "No, it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last week."

Whey!

[ZeroBlade]

lol, i needed a nice chuckle. the one about the dog s*x was funny as :D

-Z

[knowlson]

Class