The Facts On Ageing

[jerry phipps]

Hi everyone

Here's a email that i got for my sister about the facts on ageing check it out

> An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.

> A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down.

> He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue,

> and yellow. The old man just stared.

> Every time the teenager looked, the old man was

> staring.

>

> The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the

> matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

>

> Without batting an eye, the old man replied,

> "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.

> I was just wondering if you were my son."

>

> Benefits of Ageing:

>

> A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

> "Is it true," she wanted to know,

> "that the medication you prescribed has

> to be taken for the rest of my life?"

> "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

> There was a moment of silence before she replied,

> "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition

> because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

>

> -----------------------------------------

>

> An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table

> awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,

> a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

> As he was about to get the anaesthesia

> he asked to speak to his son.

> "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son;

> do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well,

> if something happens to me ..

> your mother is going to come

> and live with you and your wife...."

> -----------------------------------------

> Ageing: Eventually you will reach a point when you

> stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

> ------------------------------------------

> The older we get, the fewer things seem

> worth waiting in line for

> ------------------------------------------

> Some people try to turn back their odometers.

> Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.

> I've travelled a long way and some of the

> roads weren't paved.

> --------------------------------------------

> How old would you be

> if you didn't know how old you are?

> ----------------------------------------------

> When you are dissatisfied and would

> like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

> ---------------------------------------------

> You know you are getting old when everything

> either dries up or leaks.

> ----------------------------------------------

> I don't know how I got over the hill

> without getting to the top.

> ----------------------------------------------

> One of the many things no one tells you about ageing

> is that it is such a nice change from being young.

> ----------------------------------------------

> Ah, being young is beautiful,

> but being old is comfortable.

> -----------------------------------------------

> Old age is when former classmates are so Gray

> and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognise you.

> ----------------------------------------------

> If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,

> you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

> --------------------------------------

> First you forget names, then you forget faces.

> Then you forget to pull up your zipper.

> It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

> -------------------------------------------

> Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground

> with sticks, it was called witchcraft..

> Today, it's called golf

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> and saved the best till last!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>

> A WELL PLANNED LIFE????

> Two women met for the first time since graduating from

> high school.

> One asked the other,

> "You were always so organised in school,

> Did you manage to live a well planned life? "

> " Yes," said her friend.

> "My first marriage was to a millionaire;

> my second marriage was to an actor;

> my third marriage was to a preacher;

> and now I'm married to an undertaker."

> Her friend asked,

> What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"

> "One for the money,

> two for the show,

> three to get ready,

> and four to go."

jerry!!