Helpful neighbour

[Primus1]

Today I found an article about the Yaris cross that has a soft driveshaft, so i popped next door to see our very helpful lady mechanic Donna pushhard, she’s Italian I asked her to have a quick look to see if she could find anything so she got down and had a look, she said there’s nothing wrong at all, in fact, she said it looked well engineered and solid, she then asked if I’d like to have a look at her car that she was restoring, so we went in her garage, and she showed me the engine that was in pieces, she was very excited as a parcel arrived with the crankcase bearings, which meant she could begin her rebuild, she asked if I would like to help which I readily agreed, she told me that , on this engine the camshaft had to be slid into place and she allowed me to do it whilst she held the bearings in place, it was then I got a text from my wife saying she was home from doing the shopping so I had to leave, when I got home, my wife asked what I’ve been doing, I said. “ I’ve been next door to ask mrs pushhard to look at my shaft, she got on her knees and put her hands on it, she said it was very stiff and the best she’d ever seen, then we went into her garage and she showed me her big end and she let me slide the shaft in whilst she held it steady””.  
can anyone explain why I’m sleeping in the spare room tonight and is it still raw steak for a black eye…?

[Rhymes with Paris]

Could be the way you phrased it.

Sometimes it's best to just say "yes dear, have another chocolate" take a good slapping, and don't be patronising.

 

[Haliotis]

Ah, that’s the trouble when speaking in engineering terms to a woman not familiar with them.  There are lots of components that can sound …….. Kinky!   And, although quite common in the workshop, would likely be taken out on here.  😜😜. I suppose Donna Pushhard hasn’t said when the engine will be ready for its dipstick?

[Cyker]

Good thing you didn't go into anything more technical, like explaining about suck squeeze bang blow, or how to correctly run a bead around the head  

 

[Bper]

Did you discuss if she had ever blown a head gasket

[Mojo1010]

Or the hot rod needs a special lubricant.

[Primus1]

I’m just thankful I didn’t mention greasing of nipples..

[Big_D]

Reminds me of the sign I was given for Christmas

 

[Mojo1010]

11 hours ago, Primus1 said:

I’m just thankful I didn’t mention greasing of nipples..

It that a mechanic term for using saliva?

[Roy124]

23 minutes ago, Mojo1010 said:

It that a mechanic term for using saliva?

No, it is a stiff lubricant. 

But if you want kinky, how about rubbers, boots  and gaiters?

Or the choke or coil

[Haliotis]

I know what’s going to happen any time now!

[Mojo1010]

1 hour ago, Haliotis said:

I know what’s going to happen any time now!

The frost of the winter bites your balls??

[Haliotis]

Could be driving me nuts!

[Cyker]

That reminds me of a joke about a pirate with a steering wheel stuck to his crotch...

 

[Roy124]

15 minutes ago, Cyker said:

That reminds me of a joke about a pirate with a steering wheel stuck to his crotch...

 

Give

[Rhymes with Paris]

Maybe some of the older drivers here remember the passenger grab handles/loops on old cars that used to hang from the b pillar.

So in the theme of this thread,a blue Peter Badge,a big orange and a Cadburys creme egg will be the prize for the first one to remember or guess the suggestive name they were known by.🍊🥚🛡️

[Cyker]

4 minutes ago, Roy124 said:

Give

Well, a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck to his crotch. The barman notices and thinks this is a bit odd, so he catches the pirate's attention - "Is that a steering wheel?" he asks. The pirate replies "Arr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

...

...

I didn't say it was a good joke!!!

 

[Gren]

On 2/6/2024 at 6:40 PM, Primus1 said:

Today I found an article about ....

This is excellent, reminiscent of Terry Wogan's Janet & John stories!

[Bper]

My wife said today that I could never make a car out of spaghetti.You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

[Mjolinor]

Amazing how quickly threads can go downhill. On a par with Penguin wrappers are these. 🙂

 

[Big_D]

I wondered how my dog's tail was attached to his body. Then I saw the nuts and realised it was bolted on.

[Big_D]

... and before anyone complains, I've given myself a Yellow Card

 

[Rhymes with Paris]

For the lovers of really old jokes.

Back in the 1960s In an old fashioned ironmongery shop in Sheffield owned by by J.M Nuts & sons, the no1 son James,named after his father, the founder of the shop, started consorting with a few of the girls from the local laundry near the river.

The inevitable happened, and one of the girls became pregnant.

Now the elder Mr Nuts was of some standing in the community, business man, member of the rotary club and there was talk of him being invited to join the local lodge of masons.

He, being a wise and prudent man advised his son to go abroad to his auntie in Australia for a while until the hoo ha had died down a bit to hopefully avoid scandal in the society of the time.

However,he was also an honest man at heart, and wished to be open about what had actually happened, to his contemporaries.

So he decided to place an announcement in the local trade magazine of the time,  Ironmongery monthly.

In the byline, it read "Nuts,Screws Washers and Bolts"

 

 

[Haliotis]

14 hours ago, Rhymes with Paris said:

Maybe some of the older drivers here remember the passenger grab handles/loops on old cars that used to hang from the b pillar.

So in the theme of this thread,a blue Peter badge,a big orange and a Cadburys creme egg will be the prize for the first one to remember or guess the suggestive name they were known by.🍊🥚🛡️

Ankle straps!

[Haliotis]

A fellow walked into a pub, wearing a poacher’s raincoat.  From one pocket he pulled out a miniature piano and placed it and a small stool on the bar.  From another pocket he pulled out a one foot high pianist, who immediately started to play the piano.  The amazed barman asked the fellow from where he had found this little guy.

”Well”, said the fellow, “one day I came across an old fairy, sitting crying by the side of the road because her wand had broken.  So I set to and repaired it for her.  She was so pleased she said she would grant me any wish I desired.  Unfortunately, the old dear was very deaf!”