Helpful neighbour

[Rhymes with Paris]

3 hours ago, Haliotis said:

Ankle straps!

First prize Albert.

 

[Rhymes with Paris]

A naive young chap in the 1960s when walking and cycling long distances was considered a hobby, and as a means of taking a holiday, decided to go on a long hike to one of the more remote areas of Scotland .

He caught the train to Inverness, retrieved his canvas rucksack,and got off with the intention of exploring the beautiful Highlands by foot.

He soon found out just how remote it was out of Inverness, with several hours walk between small villages and hamlets.

Late afternoon he thinks, I had better stop soon, and pitch my tent before darkness descends.

So that done,he looks around to see if any lights are on indicating the possible presence of a nearby village, with hopefully a hot meal and a pint.

He spots a few distant lights, and hikes off towards them, finding a tiny hamlet, with just half a dozen houses,a couple of crofts, and luckily the much hoped for pub with a roaring fireplace,a good pint, and a hot meal of pie,mash, and peas.

There were only two other customers in the pub, one an elderly chap with a sheepdog and shepards crook ,stood at the bar who seemed to just want to keep himself to himself.

The other one,a large built fellow with a fearsome red beard but a friendly manner,sat by the fireplace.

So they got chatting, and the large built man told him that there was a party that very night at his isolated croft house, he told him that there would be plenty of beer, whisky, recreational drugs, and wild kinky s*x, and that the young man was most welcome to join.

So the young man accepts the invitation gratefully, and being well brought up asks if he can get a takeout few beers or a bottle of whisky from the pub to contribute.

The large man at the fireplace rubbed his beard, smiled, and said " no need laddy, I have got plenty in already, and there'll just be the two of us"

[Bper]

doctor couldn't get his car to start one Saturday so called a mechanic. The mechanic said he doesn't work weekends. "You know, " said the doctor, "if you phone me when you're sick, I will come out any day, any time".
So the mechanic comes round, opens the bonnet, throws in two aspirin, slams it shut and says to the doctor "phone me on Monday if it's not any better".
 

[Primus1]

A chaps eighteen year old daughter says “ dad I’m pregnant by my 63 year old boyfriend “ the dad is somewhat annoyed and threatens to kill the “ dirty b", but agrees to meet him, the girls boyfriend says to the dad “ sir, when we are married your daughter will live in a big house, have her own brand new car and will want for nothing, when the child is born, if it’s a boy I will put two million pounds into a bank account for him and he will be sent to the best private school, if it’s a girl I will do the same thing for her, and when I die, he or she will take over my multi million pound business, but I don’t know what I’ll do if she miscarriages “ the dad looked at him and said “ you’ll have to shag her again “..

[Bernard Foy]

What amazes me is how all these jokes got past the correct police 🤔

[Haliotis]

11 hours ago, Bernard Foy said:

What amazes me is how all these jokes got past the correct police 🤔

Perhaps the “correct police” were among the first to tell them!😜

However, with all the doom and gloom that has been expressed - and I am among the guilty - a bit of fun and laughter is well overdue.  Hope the “correct police” are laughing too.

[Primus1]

Perhaps we could have a just for fun thread, or similar?

[Mojo1010]

Perhaps the correct police are still freezing their balls off in this frosty wintery snow to care??

[Big_D]

18 hours ago, Bernard Foy said:

What amazes me is how all these jokes got past the correct police 🤔

And that's exactly why I awarded myself a Yellow card. I beat the correct Police to it 😁

[Cyker]

57 minutes ago, Primus1 said:

Perhaps we could have a just for fun thread, or similar?

Funnily enough there was one, I think it was started by a member called raistlin; It used to be pinned under the Word Association thread but that was a long time ago! Be warned any who look for it, as it's not for the faint of heart - It's probably the most un-PC thread on the forum  

 

[FROSTYBALLS]

1 hour ago, Primus1 said:

Perhaps we could have a just for fun thread, or similar?

 

30 minutes ago, Cyker said:

Funnily enough there was one, I think it was started by a member called raistlin; It used to be pinned under the Word Association thread but that was a long time ago! Be warned any who look for it, as it's not for the faint of heart - It's probably the most un-PC thread on the forum  

The master's (Raistlin) joke page, all 718 pages, 17,000 plus posts: