Bird !Removed! beware

[dannyboy413]

[Rhymes with Paris]

Seagulls eh?

On a horrific trip to a sun £10 holiday to a Haven horror camp , North East coast around Filey somewhere,can't remember where exactly, I think I've blocked it out due to the trauma.

Three blokes on motorbikes, caravan weekend type thing.

Got settled in and went looking for expensive, inedible food, found some ,and then a few beers.

The evening show consisted of a karaoke type female singer whose repotoire extended as far as " if you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join a club"in the style of the TV advert of the time.

The designated idiot of our group decided at some point in the night to chuck all the inedible pizza and chips onto the caravan/luxury mobile accommodation roof

Around 4-5 AM a squadron of gulls swooped down, equipped with hobnail boots, and turbo backsides.

Dunno if the crappy caravan survived, but the horrible mess on the bike tanks and seats had to be scraped off with my best Coutts bank card.

Which is rather upsetting.

[Cyker]

Hmm, didn't someone get revenge on a noisy caravan neighbour by flinging some bread on their roof?  

[Rhymes with Paris]

3 minutes ago, Cyker said:

Hmm, didn't someone get revenge on a noisy caravan neighbour by flinging some bread on their roof?  

Sorry Cyker, I was not clear,we were the bikers with the seagulls.

The designated idiot did add bread on the roof of our caravan to compound the problem.

I still have nightmares to this day about this event.

 

[Cyker]

Must have been like waking up to machine gun fire  

[Bernard Foy]

1 hour ago, Rhymes with Paris said:

Sorry Cyker, I was not clear,we were the bikers with the seagulls.

The designated idiot did add bread on the roof of our caravan to compound the problem.

I still have nightmares to this day about this event.

 

You should have glued a slice of bread on the back of his leather jacket 😂🤣

[Rhymes with Paris]

44 minutes ago, Cyker said:

Must have been like waking up to machine gun fire  

Aye,it was like that.

I thought at the time we were being attacked by the Wehrmacht., the noise was unreal, and we were all diving for cover.

Including the designated idiot who caused it all.

That was as nothing though,compared to the horror that is a haven holiday camp, the ravenous seagulls had better table manners than the clients.

 

[Bernard Foy]

27 minutes ago, Rhymes with Paris said:

Aye,it was like that.

I thought at the time we were being attacked by the Wehrmacht., the noise was unreal, and we were all diving for cover.

Including the designated idiot who caused it all.

That was as nothing though,compared to the horror that is a haven holiday camp, the ravenous seagulls had better table manners than the clients.

 

Where were the Spitfire squadrons when you need them 😂🤣✈️🛬

[Bernard Foy]

10 minutes ago, Bernard Foy said:

Where were the Spitfire squadrons when you need them 😂🤣✈️🛬

I guess they were busy fighting the Lufwaffe off and let the army deal with the Wehrmacht 🤣😂👏

[Rhymes with Paris]

6 minutes ago, Bernard Foy said:

Where were the Spitfire squadrons when you need them 😂🤣✈️🛬

They were busy I think,preventing operation sealion.

But at least the swimming pool had lots of corn plasters on the broken tiles surrounding the luxury spa.

 

 

[WazWii]

7 hours ago, Primus1 said:

Had a look at my car whilst at work this afternoon, absolutely covered in big blobs of gifts from the birds, I cleaned it off with the cleaner I have, I think I’m going to have to check it everyday, maybe if it’s raining it might be ok…

Is there a special cleaner for this? Keep reading it getting mentioned on this thread. 

[Primus1]

5 hours ago, WazWii said:

Is there a special cleaner for this? Keep reading it getting mentioned on this thread. 

I had a paint protection applied by the dealer when I picked it up new, they left me a kit with shampoo, glass cleaner, interior cleaner, and bird doings remover, but no polish, you can buy special cleaner for removing bird muck, but someone said they use Williams waterless cleaner on it, I’ve used this to clean my past cars and on bird droppings and it works quite well, you can buy waterless wash/wax from say, Halfords ect, if you have a boyes near you they sell showroom shine/greased lightning, same stuff.

[WazWii]

6 hours ago, Primus1 said:

I had a paint protection applied by the dealer when I picked it up new, they left me a kit with shampoo, glass cleaner, interior cleaner, and bird doings remover, but no polish, you can buy special cleaner for removing bird muck, but someone said they use Williams waterless cleaner on it, I’ve used this to clean my past cars and on bird droppings and it works quite well, you can buy waterless wash/wax from say, halfords ect, if you have a boyes near you they sell showroom shine/greased lightning, same stuff.

Will something like this do?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07GC2SQNC/ref=ox_sc_saved_title_1?smid=AXW025FO0XWGQ&psc=1

[Primus1]

I’ve never used it but turtle wax is a known and trusted brand so it should work..

[Eddie G]

Williams waterless wash and wax is good from E bay but you have to leave it to soak and go gently until your sure it has started to lift the droppings.

[Cyker]

TBH you don't really need anything fancy - Water works just fine, and is probably the least harmful to the surface as it doesn't have any harsh chemicals in it.

The trick is to just let it soak - The white bits will wipe off quickly but the nasty tarry bits are very sticky and can damage the lacquer if you try and scrape them off; I use a soaked paper towel to keep the water on the droppings so it can soak in and, given a few minutes, it just slides off with virtually no friction instead of needing to be scraped. May need a few goes to get it all though.

Where chemical cleaners are useful is if it's been sat there for a while and/or baked hard by the sun and you CBA to soak it for half an hour to rehydrate it!

[WazWii]

Yeah I have been scraping it across the paint. The thing is the fancy products 'might' have chemicals in them which neutralise the nasty stuff in the bird poo so you don't get it on your hands and also spread it. Not sure though.

Maybe a Dettol Wipe is good. Just let it soak in. They do kill a lot of bacteria. 

[Crickleymal]

Sitting at the lights the other day I heard a pattering sound. It's starting to rain I thought. Nope, one seagull voiding its bowels. I've never seen so much from one bird and this doesn't show the windscreen

[Rhymes with Paris]

Ooh, that's bad.

That seagull needs immodium.

 

[Eddie G]

1 hour ago, Crickleymal said:

Sitting at the lights the other day I heard a pattering sound. It's starting to rain I thought. Nope, one seagull voiding its bowels. I've never seen so much from one bird and this doesn't show the windscreen

Luckily you had your window up unlike when it happened to me 😆 

[Primus1]

Mine was a bit like that, the wife said “ get some tissue paper “ I said, “ don’t be daft, it’ll be miles away by now”…

[Haliotis]

My worst experience with seagull poo, was whilst we were walking into Looe (no pun intended) Cornwall.

I got hit on the head - if it looks a lot on a car, imagine the mess in my hair!   We had a motorcaravan then, and I went back to that to clean up.  But I could not get back to the campsite soon enough for a good shower - that was the only way to get rid of the awful smell.

[Cyker]

Supposedly you'll have good luck for the rest of the day if that happens - Not sure if I believe that...   

 

[Haliotis]

12 minutes ago, Cyker said:

Supposedly you'll have good luck for the rest of the day if that happens - Not sure if I believe that...   

 

If I could have got my hands on that seagull, IT”S luck would have run out, that’s for sure.

Short story:  A. Colleague of ours spent some time in the Merchant Navy and, as you know, seagulls follow ships.  He said that one of their pastimes, when they were bored, was to tie a piece of bacon rind to a piece of string, and the other end to the centre of a thin piece of wood.  This would be thrown in the air for a seagull to catch. The rind would pass straight through the seagull’s system until the wood was firmly in its beak.  Unable to feed, the seagull would eventually starve to death.  Not very nice - even we did not laugh at his story!!!