One Unhappy Bunny

[starletsr]

Has anyone have divorced parents? Cos my parents are about to divorce, how did u all coupe with the situation? cos iam about to break down soon. :(

Plus also i've been hated by someone that i have nothing against, has anyone has that before? Feels like i shouldn't get close to anyone otherwise i'll hurt their feelings... know what iam saying??

I really am not a bad person, just too nice to be liked by anyone lol

Someone cheer me up sometime, i need some TLC!

Shelly

[JappyBeast]

My folks have divorced and it was one of the hardest things I have had to come to terms with... it might look bleak tho moment but its best for everyone. Both my mum and dad have re-married and everyone is happy.. its bad to break up a happy home tho.

BE HAPPY!!!!

[Leeky]

Feels like i shouldn't get close to anyone otherwise i'll hurt their feelings... know what iam saying??

I really am not a bad person

No your not a bad person

Your probably one of the coolest people on TOC as i've said to you before.

Dont let anyone put you down or make you feel bad. People that do that arent worth it.

I really wish i could help you at this moment in time seein as your folks are splitting.

Remember where we are if you need to talk

[ricomr2]

Well i dont know how i can cheer you up but i can say i know how you feel

My parents got divorced when i was 17 (long time ago!) and i was

gutted when it happened.

Best thing to do (imo) is speak to your parents and let them know how your feeling,

or grab a good friend and cry on thier shoulder...

As for being hated, i dont know how somone could hate you,

as you come across as a very genuine person.

I tend to not let things bother me anymore and if someone doesn't

like me... tuff :D

Keep your chin up and i hope ive helped a little

[System~G]

About your folks divorce - Sometimes it's for the best. You need to speak to them and find out their reasons and also as someone said earlier, let them know how it's affecting you.

18 years ago I was wishing my folks got divorced because of all the fighting and arguing. They since "found god" and found piece with themselves and are still together.

And on the other topic. Don't let it worry you, unless you guys were good friends before - then speak to them to find out if/how/why you upset them. But if you just knew eachother in passing, then they are not worth your worry.

You'll see, everything will sort itself out in the end :)

Chin up girl :group-cuddles:

[jaxx]

sorry but i havnt got much to say

but do keep chin up, try to focus on the positive things going on and do try to talk to your folks and understand the reasons

try and talk to friends openly aswell and release any tears if need be as youll be helping to release any stress build up which can form into depression - not good!

good luck anyway Shell and were all here as usual if you need to speak to anyone!

[knowlson]

Sorry to here that :( I have not been in that situation with my parents so can not offer any advice :(

But..

Don’t take any :censor: from people if they cannot see that you are having problems at the moment and any little dispute they have with you seems more important then being a friend when you need it then tell them to get lost ;) They where obviously not a real friend

Take it easy I don’t know if you have brothers or sisters maybe you can speak to them or any other friends you have. Speak to your parents if you can maybe they need to chat to you about it also. I am sure that there is someone who will listen to you.

There is allways the TOC LOVE here if you need it :group-cuddles: :D :D

[starletcraig]

Hiya Shell...

Although like people have said it's hard when parents divorce it's so much better than hearing the arguments 24/7,

so just try and think on the positive that two people you love are going to make themselves happier if they are apart.

And as for your ''hater'' just wait til the Starlet posse rolls into town next month...

We'll sort em!

Love me

[Bibbs]

Stay happy ..

My olds divorced ages ago .. and it's not fun, I was (and still am) kinda twisted about it.

You know where we are if you need a chat ..

[Fidgits]

with the divorce thing, i cant really help, all i can say is, its whats right for your parents (I mean, you wouldnt want them to stay together being miserable would you?), and perhaps this is what they need to make themselves happy.

Just remember, it has nothing to do with you, and they love you just as much as they have always done.

As for the second, well havent we all been hated for no reason ;) my advice, ignore whoever it is, they are worth worrying over :) ;)

[Caz SR]

I'm very sorry to hear that Shelly. I know I'm quite new to this forum and don't know most of you on a personal level yet, but thought I'd drop a line.

My parents have divorced - but 13 years after they split up! My Brother and I just didn't see the point in them staying married when my Dad was living with his girlfriend. Seemed like a farce. But we went through a very tough few years and it really was for the best. They split when I was 11 and it was extremely hard to take. I think it's one of those things that's hard no matter how old you are. Ok, it hits Kids bad, but when you're older you ask more questions and look into the meaning of things on a deeper level plus you're so used to your parents being together, you take it for granted that they will be forever.

I hope things will get better for you - I'm sure they will after time. Looks like you have a lot of support here and some good friends.

As for the person that dislikes you for no reason, please don't tie yourself up in knots about it. Some things cannot be helped. You have to ask yourself: "Is this person *really* worth worrying about?" Are they that important to you? If so, then do ask them why. If not, just put it down to being their loss.

Take care Shelly x

[JustJJ]

Hiya Hon,

My parents split up half way through my finals at Uni, things hadnt been good for a while and my mum had cheated on my dad just before christmas. I was at uni and felt very cut off from the situation and when they came to see me to tell me what had happened I couldnt believe it. They said it was all behind them and sorted out, but I wasnt too sure. Being away from home was both a blessing and a curse.

In January.. twas a wednesday just after my first exam, I rang my parents to tell them how I got on, and was told by my mum that it had all gone wrong again and she was with this 'other guy'....I was being used as a sounding post.. a counsellor of sorts....I wasnt allowed to tell my brother as he was doing his A-Levels, but me doing my exams at uni... well that was obviously fine. I was very angry and upset. But my Dad asked me not to hate my mum which made things worse... I didnt deal with it too well, but kept it mostly to myself, I could have done with someone who had been in a similar situation to talk to, and it seems you have that here which is good... use it... we are now over a year on from that, and they still havent sorted everything out, my mum still visits home frequently, but lives mostly up north, my Dad is still upset, its still kinda tense when they are together. Part of me wishes they would just stop seeing eachother completely... but the other part of me knows that they have to do, what they have to do. I'm lucky, I dont live at home anymore.

You will get through it hon, its hard, but you'll do it, you have a strong base of friends, both here and probably outside of TOC too.

As for being 'hated' by someone... maybe try talking to them... find out why?... a lot of hate stems out of misunderstanding these days, hence a lot of hate can be avoided.

Keep smiling hon

JJ

x

[EarL]

I'm on the other side of the fence here. I got divorced and had to leave my young son to start a life on my own. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. When they drove away and my son was looking out of the back of the car, I felt like my world had just ended.

Be very sure that your parents are doing this because there really is no other way out. IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF YOU! You are still their daughter, and are loved equally by both of them.

...as you are by us.

Take it easy, and as the other guys have said, we're here when you need us.

[Charlies Angel]

ah hunny, im sorry!!!

people that hate you, its their loss!!, dont let it get to you, they're obviously not worth a damn!!

[sclark]

Could be worse, you can still see either of them whenever you like just about, u'v got your own car!!

My parents split up for a bit and when they were split up i saw my dad more that i usually saw him!!! It was the case that he got out the house as early as possible in the morning and worked late cos he didn't like being at home, he wasn't in the best frame of mind the most of the time and he just needed time away. May not be the best situation for yourself but it is obviously something your parents need to do, and you wouldnt want your parents to be unhappy or even unwell (as my dad almost was) about it.

[~Rach~]

As I said to you yesterday Shell, Ive lost both my mums, not thru divorce, but I know how hard it is when you feel you are loosing someone yet they are still there.

As for the hating comment, theres always a reason. Talk to the person, thats the only way to clear the air.

Feels like i shouldn't get close to anyone otherwise i'll hurt their feelings...

You know my opinion on this, and the only person who can change the situation is you. Hope it changes soon before anyone else gets hurt.

It will get better Shell, dont worry, you just gotta take each day as it comes

[breezer]

Hmmmmm my girlfriends parents are divorced like, stressed her like hell, and now its became one of those situations where the whole family dont like who her dad is going out with, and her whole family dont like who her mams going out with. Its a real bad situation, one of most stressing time in someones lift in it?

Suppose it helps a bit if you spend more time with friends and go out, someone to talk to properly face to face, make you laugh (altho ul get a few laughs from us lot :P )

:group-cuddles:

[starletsr]

Firstly, i'll like to thank everybody for their kind support and comments.

My parents are constantly arguing about money. The only reason for this break up, i'll try make the story short, is that my mum had become very ill this year, she was diagnosed with breast cancer :( and she was in hospital for a long time. After this illness she has become very aware that she might die anytime so she has decided to divorce my dad to enjoy her life more. My dad and my brothers all dont want or ever dreamt of this to happen to us, it's ok to see other familys to break up but not us... if u know what i mean.

Plus because of this illness my mum has always been out clubbing with her friends, and all her friends are all divorced people, so i guess thats not helping her much with the decisions, i think she has been very selfish, arent someone that has had a bad illness suppose to be grateful of their family and the people around her that love her so much, i have had an arguement with her yesterday as she was going completely mad with my dad and slagging him off, so i had to say something. She now says she dont want me as a daugther because i stand on my dads side, both my brothers are on my mum's.

There has been some points that my dad has thrown something down the stairs that hit my mum by accident, it was all done by anger, my brother wanted to call the police and have my dad arrested.... what?! that's our dad and we know he didn't mean to do it, i really don't like the way my brother thinks.. he's not mature enough being 19.

I thought i'll share my feelings on here cos i have no where to go, pray to god for his help and maybe he can comfort me, i have bad nightmares everynight. :(

As for that person that hates/disliked me, i have fixed things this morning, i have to learn to say things that won't hurt anyone. As i have said i have never been a bad person in my life. I just want people to accept the person i am.

Thanks for reading and taking time to read it.

:group-cuddles: i just had to get everything out of my head and system.....

[JNR]

hi shelly i know you dont know me but get a little eb in anyway i hope you feel better after talking a bit about it and wish you and your family all the best for the future no matter what happens you said your mum wants to enjoy herself more and shes been going out with her friends clubbing and that but why cant she enjoy herself out clubbing etc with your dad still in her life i would want both my parents to sit down with me and explain why they want a divorce there must be something more to it than just wanting to enjoy herself more get them to so sit down and ask them do they still truly love each other if not and they are gonna argue and fight all the time it will be for the best if they split up so dont worry about anything you are to young to be worrying about all that get out and take your mind of it and if its gonna happen it will just take 1 day at a time and dont let anything get ya down

l8r jay

[breezer]

hmmm strange decision from your mam like hmmm, i thought she woulda wanted to stay round her family, sounds a tough situation but i suppose i cant say what she has to do.

but we all love ya star, we know you aint a bad person :group-cuddles:

[d4dyaris]

i know it aint the same like but i am 15 and my uncle and auntie have just split up and they wer like my other mum and dad and that upset me and all 4 of my cousins whos mum and dad split up but they will be fine trust me they still speak to each other they even own a pub together

[Bizarra]

Shel, Honey,

When I posted, in the depths of depression, about the loss of my wife, you were very sympathetic & comforting to me.

I don't know what to say to help you. I wish I did. We all have to make our own decisions in life, as best for us. These decisions always have a ripple affect, & affect the lives of those around us. Your parents have to do what is best for them, & it doesn't mean that they love you any less. My kids are closer to me now than ever they were, because I am the only parent they have left. You must be strong & stay close to both of them. Be supportive, uncritical & impartial. They are hurting, too, & need your love & support.

Don't be afraid of getting close to people. You come across as a really lovely, caring person You have never hurt the feelings of anyone on Toc, so I doubt if you could hurt the feelings of anyone outside. I very much doubt it. Try being a little less sensitive & worried about what others think. They are a lot more thick skinned than you are.!

We all have to go through dark tunnels in our lives. We come out the other end eventually & the light you see shining isn't always a train coming the opposite way.

I hope this doesn't come across as a load of waffle to you- I really want to help, as do all your friends here.

Could you get your Mum & Dad to read this entire thread, from your starting plea for help, through to the end? It might cause them to stop & take a good hard look at themselves.

Don't pray a lot, but will pray for you & that it will work out.

Love,

Vic :group-cuddles:

[jerry phipps]

Hi Shelly

So sorry to hear about your parents. Now in life theres somethings that you will never understand. And in this case this might be one of them. I always found that trying to listen to both sides of the story was kinda hard as you would hear both parents slagging each other off and it was hard to except. I had this trouble. I was lucky enough that they didn't divorce each other. But there was a lack of trust. Sadly this trust turned to jealously and this finally drove my mum mad. It made her become very unhappy and she became ill.

On the 27th December 1999 my dad phoned me and told me that we should fly over to the Caribbean as my mum was very i'll. He said her seeing us all would really cheer her up. We spent all day shopping around to get a good deal on a flight.

On 29th December 1999 there wedding anniversary my mother died. I felt gutted. While everyone was getting ready to celebration the new millennium i was devastated. I just couldn't believe this happened. Now instead of seeing my mum alive i was going out there for a funeral. What I'm trying to say you've got to remember the good times that they had together and accept what they are going through as it cant be very easy to make such a decision. Try to be there for both of them and maybe one day they will realise the mistake they have made. Just because they have stopped loving each other they are still your parents. They have just decided not to be a part of each other life's anymore. Just try your best to be there for them both when they need you. There always hope

Take care and chin up ;)

jerry!!

[starletsr]

Thank you everyone for replying, i just wanna tell everyone that i didnt post this up just for people's sympathy (as some people think i did), i just wanted to share my feelings iam going through and open up to people that might be able to help me think things through. I know it's not only me that is going through a lot of trouble and hurt, many people are going through the same thing everyday around the world, sometimes even worser things than this.

It's just i really wanna tell my mum to appreciate in what she has got now, a family to care for her, but i think it's sometimes i maybe the one that upsets her because i didn't do well in studying like graduating like every parents wants their kids to do or either having a proper full time job, iam kind of a failure to her i think, ain't sure.... but i feel like it..

As for me getting close to a lot of my friends, they have always been there for me no matter what If they ever need my help iam always happy to return the favor and try and help them too.

As for some jealous people i know alot of in my life, i really don't have much to say to them but whether they like me or dislike me, it's up to them, i cannot change the way they are or feel. I am not a bad person and will never be one. I think some people just don't know me well enough to judge me, i think EVERYONE has come across those people before??

So if anyone has problems or anything, more than welcome to tell, seeing that it has helped me think reading all this post, and i hope it will help other people with similar problems, maybe worse or better. :group-cuddles:

[starletsr]

well i think the time has come that my parents are defo going sep ways, i have NEVER seen one person change SO much after 22 years of marriage, esp my mum, she has really turned sour against the family.

Well back to being an unhappy bunny for me

I just hope everyone will think twice about marriage and don't put your/their kids through the pain when the years go on..

Sorry to post on here, just got no where to let it out, all my mates left the house half hour ago..