For Camshaft

[gordypix]

They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.

What is the difference between an Englishman and his photograph?

The photograph is fully developed!

An Englishman asked an Irishman to show him the biggest building in an Irish town.

"There it is now" said the Irishman, "isn't it a fine structure entirely?"

"Is that your biggest building?" asked the Englishman.

"Why back in England we have buildings over a hundred times the size of that!"

"I'm not surprised," said the Irishman,"that's the local lunatic asylum."

An Englishman was being shown all over the Niagara Falls for the first time.

"Isn't it something?" said his American guide, waiting for a reaction.

"Runs all night too, I suppose," said the Englishman.

English secretary to her boss:

"that letter you asked me to type double spaced, do you want the carbon copy double spaced as well?"

After the Oxford-Cambridge boat race the mother of one of the losing crew was consoling her son.

"Never mind dear," she told him," you were wonderful, you rowed faster than anyone else in your boat."

Never ask a foreigner where he is from. If he is not english he will tell you within a few minutes, and if he is English, why embarrass him?

Have you heard about the thrill seeking Englishman?

He ate his After eight mints at half-past seven!

Have you heard about the Englishman who bought a grandfather clock?

He sat by the clock every hour waiting for the grandfather to come out and tell him the time!

First Englishman: "What was the final score in the match this afternoon?"

Second Englishman: "Nil-Nil".

First Englishman:"What was the score at half-time?"

Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" "Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German".

What do you call an englishman with an IQ of 50?

Colonel sir!!

[CAMSHAFT]

LOL gordy i did not take offence by any of the irish jokes i was just wondering in gereral, but hats off for seeing the funny side LOL, GOOD JOKES

[CAMSHAFT]

paddy irishman, paddy englishman, paddy japaneese man and paddy scotsman were all on a private jet. SUDDENLY! the pilot exclaimed we're too heavy we need to loose some wait or we'll crash. paddy japaneese man stepped up and said this is for japan and jumped off the jet. we're still too heavy the pilot ROARED!. so up stepped paddy scotsman this is for scotland he cried as he threw himself out of the jet. you wont believe this but were still too heavy! so up stepped the brave paddy irishman. tears in his eyes as he stepped to the edge of the aircraft. THIS IS FOR IRELAND! he bellowed, as he ****** paddy englishman out the door.

[CAMSHAFT]

sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and listened closely

until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off

his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about.

"Was the other Indian crazy or what?"

The Indian replied "No, It is our custom during mating season when

Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the

opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw

in there waiting for us."

Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the

cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

Immediately, there was the answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then

spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the

huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave!

It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really

big, fine women in this cave!"

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

Like the others, he then heard an answering call,

"WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!"

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,

tearing off his clothes as he ran. The following day, the headline of

the local newspaper read.....

NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

[CAMSHAFT]

Paddy and Mick bumped into each other in the Pub, Paddy says to Mick "HOWS IT GOING WHAV YA BEEN UP TO"

Mick says "IM GOING TO COLLEGE STUDYING THAT NEW THING CALLED LOGIC"

Paddy Says"LOGIC?? - WHAT THE HELL IS LOGIC?"

Mick Says"WELL ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN BUT ILL GIVE YOU A FEW EXAMPLES,.....

HAVE YOU GOT A GOLDFISH?"

Paddy Says "YES"

Mick Says "OK THEN YOUVE EITHER GOT A POND, A TANK OR A BOWL"

Paddy Says "YEH IVE GOT A POND , BUT I STILL DONT GET WHAT LOGIC IS"

Mick Says "ILL GIVE YER A FEW MORE EXAMPLES..... IF YOUVE GOT A POND YOUVE EITHERE GOT A GARDEN OR A YARD?"

Paddy Says" YEH, IVE GOT A GARDEN"

Mick Says "IF YOUVE GOT A GARDEN , YOUVE EITHER GOT A HOUSE OR A BUNGALOW"

Paddy Says "YEH, IVE GOT A HOUSE"

Mick Says "IF YOUVE GOT A HOUSE, YOUR EITHER MARRIED OR NOT MARRIED??"

Paddy Says "YEH IM MARRIED"

Mick Says "IF YOURE MARRIED, YOUVE EITHER BEEN MARRIED A SHORT TIMEOR A LONG TIME"

Paddy Says "YEH IVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED 6 MONTHS"

Mick says " I BET YOU IN THEM 6 MONTHS , YOU HAVENT HAD A ****!"

paddy says "BE JESUS, THAT LOGIC IS **** GRAND, YOU KNOW ALL THEM THINGS ABOUT ME THROUGH THAT THING CALLED LOGIC"

Anyway , they have a few more jars and part company.

Paddys walking home from the pub ****** as a !Removed! and bumps into Shamus,

Paddy says "SHAMUS ME OLD MATE,WHAT A COINSIDENCE, IVE JUST SEEN MICK IN THE PUB AND I HAVENT SEEN HIM FOR 5 YEARS EITHER."

Shamus says "MY OLD MATE MICK , HOWS HE DOING?"

Paddy says " HES GRANDE , HES GOING TO COLLEGE NOW STUDYING THAT NEW THING CALLED LOGIC"

Shamus says "LOGIC ,WHATS LOGIC"

Paddy Says "ITS HARD TO EXPLAIN, SO ILL GIVE YOU SOME EXAMPLES..... HAVE YOU GOT A GOLDFISH?"

Shamus said "NO"

Paddy Said "YOU'RE A ****** THEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[CAMSHAFT]

and here is one or two more

irish jokes

[Karma Supra]

Bloke walks into a bar and says ouch.

Tnakyou, thankyou.. :hokus-pokus:

[cfc1]

You forgot to say it was an iron bar

[jaxx]

Bloke walks into a bar and says ouch.

Tnakyou, thankyou..  :hokus-pokus:

←

dyslexic man walks into a bra

im here all week :hokus-pokus:

[Kev Mc]

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association