Chuck Norris

[Bibbs]

Subject: 27 Things you didn't know about the HOFF

They're all true....

1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a

game of tennis.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David

Hasselhoff allows to live.

3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's

David Hasselhoff!" Then she had s*x with him. At that point, she was the

third girl he had slept with.

5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,

and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff

could use to kill you, including the room itself.

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan

borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.

8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn

needs to lie the f**k down.

10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get

wet. The water gets David instead.

11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World

Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff,

and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come

to matching him.

13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put

up with lactose's s**t.

14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At

night.

17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists

entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching

his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of

his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and

won.

20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year

later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the

Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because

Grammy's are for !Removed!."

Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child

to be thrown into the sun.

22. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up,

he's pushing the Earth down.

23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow

motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno

erupts behind him.

24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire

spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he

ate every last unicorn in existence.

26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets

an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched

himself in the face.

[Caz SR]

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David

Hasselhoff allows to live.

Don't think he has evolved has he? Going by the amount of body hair he has.

[JAHill]

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David

Hasselhoff allows to live.

Don't think he has evolved has he? Going by the amount of body hair he has.

Still if he gets on hard times, he can always get sheared and sell it to greasy men without the medallion "nest" as a chest wig.

[Tom.B]

...best thing I read in a long time :D

[minidoughty]

So you just changed all the facts from THE NORRIS to THE HOFF?

www.chucknorrisfacts.com

[reece]

[Bibbs]

[reece]

People on here have been banned for less!

You should be setting an example being a 'Super' Moderator...

A worthless post (not even remotely amusing) IMO and a reply implying calling someone an A***hole? Since when has it been acceptable for moderators to insult users?

It has to be a two way street... ask admanirv

[Bibbs]

Shh .. it's not serious (hence the like your thumb smilie) .. and here was no "hole" in there :)

Some people found it funny ;)

[Demonic Angel]

We love the Hoff!

[cmarshall]

pmsl

[Kev Mc]

Absolutely brilliant

A true fact about The Hoff (apparantly) though: When he's at a bar he orders half pints of neat vodka then swigs half of it each time he drinks some without even flinching, so I've heard

[jaxx]

People on here have been banned for less!

You should be setting an example being a 'Super' Moderator...

A worthless post (not even remotely amusing) IMO and a reply implying calling someone an A***hole? Since when has it been acceptable for moderators to insult users?

It has to be a two way street... ask admanirv

[earpl]

427 :D