Actually Something Interesting

April 8, 2006

Hehe just found these on the net:

Save the expense of buying a Caterham by sitting in the bath wearing a helmet while a friend fires pieces of mud and rubber at your head and you pretend to get all indignant when a normal car overtakes you as you are driving like a !Removed!.

TVR drivers, save the expense of a trackday by simply getting up early, finding a local road, accelerating as hard as possible down the straights, crawl round the corners and go home at 11am due to mechanical failure.

Rich people, don't bother learning to drive. Just buy a GT3 RS, a !Removed! race suit and always drive in Novice sessions. No one will pass you so your ego will be intact.

Internet forum posters, save the expense of going to the Nurburgring for the weekend by staying at home with your mum and then on Tuesday posting that you managed an 8:15 bridge-to-gantry time in your Clio, but there is more to come if the traffic and weather conditions allow.

Lotus Elise drivers, after crashing maintain the internet illusion that you are a great driver by claiming that there was diesel on the road, after all no one else knows there wasn't and you don't have to mention the biker that came through the same corner with his knee down at stupid speeds whilst you were waiting for the recovery truck.

Clio Sport owners, instead of facing up to the reality of realising your cars is ****, hang out on forums where eqally insecure people can talk up their 'giant killing cars' to make themselve feel less undervalued in life.

Save money on expensive car repairs after an accident by sticking it in your dad's shed for five years instead.

Instead of buying a GPS Gatso detector, ask your passenger to make loud beeping noises as soon as they see a camera, then brake hard and then speed up again.

When stopped for speeding, tell the officer you just glorified terrorism in a heated pub debate, that way he will have to arrest you under the Prevention Of Terrorism Act and you will avoid getting points on your licence.

Pretend you are a great driver by heel and toeing to the Spar and back for milk.

Save money on Sat Nav. Buy a map and get your passenger to say 'go left' slightly after your junction and then announce 'Please do a U-Turn' in a really smug voice even though they know you are on a motorway.

Save money on Sat Nav. Buy a map and give it to your passenger. Then drive into a city and get your passenger to stay silent apart from the odd 'Turn left' when you go past the wrong end of a one way street.

Save money on Sat Nav. Buy a map and give it to your passenger. Get your passenger to continually give you diections to Droitwich even though you keep shouting 'I am in cheesy wotsiting France and I am looking for the Eiffel Tower, you piece of ****'

To help your relationship with your bird, call yourself a **** out loud when you brake too hard or go around a corner too fast. She will appreciate the sentiment.

When buying a Porsche Boxster, find one with a blown engine and just park it on your drive. You can still impress your neighbours with your Porsche while you are Zymolling it but you have saved a fortune on running costs and no-one buys a Boxster to actually drive it anyway. You will also have the key to pose with in pubs.

When posting up trackday videos always leave out the laps where you get overtaken. Everyone will then think you are really good.

On trackdays always drive over the rumble strips. You won't go any faster but your passenger will think you must be right on the limit.

When stopped for speeding, tell the officer you just glorified terrorism in a heated pub debate, that way he will have to arrest you under the Prevention Of Terrorism Act and you will avoid getting points on your licence