Hr Announcement

[Clueless]

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals

throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily

offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to

accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don't have a !Removed! clue, do you?

2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF: She's a !Removed! power-crazy b*tch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF: F*ck off a*se-wipe.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?

INSTEAD OF: Well f*ck me backwards with a telegraph pole.

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a f*ck.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF: Not my !Removed! problem, mate.

8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?

9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.

INSTEAD OF: No !Removed! chance mate.

10) TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.

INSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that yesterday?

11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his !Removed! a*se.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF: Oi, f*ck face.

13) TRY SAYING: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.

INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs !Removed! holidays anyway.

Thank You,

Human Resources

[daktari]

Gotta go now. I`m just about to wet myself.

[Kev Mc]

That's brilliant

[Clueless]

A few more,

OLD PHRASE : NEW PHRASE

Absolutely no f**king chance: I'm fairly sure that's not feasible

You lying s**t: Are you quite sure about that?

Tell someone who gives a f*ck: Have you informed the management about that?

It’s got f*ck all to do with me: I don't think I was involved in that project

Shove a brush up my a**e and I'll

sweep the !Removed! floor as well: Would you like me to do that for you as well?

Am I the only ****** here: Would someone else care to answer the telephone

You haven't got a !Removed! clue: Perhaps you need a little more training in this

This place has gone to rat s**t: The office is looking a little untidy

Eat s**t and die mother f*cker: I think I told you this would happen

You over paid s**t for brains : You're my boss and I respect that

F*ck off smart a**e : Well-done

She's a ball-busting b*tch : She's a full time career woman

Get out of my face, dog breath: I don't think I require your assistance

Raving !Removed! a**e bandit : He's very much in touch with his feminine side

Boy, are you in the s**t : Does the boss know about this?

Kiss my !Removed! a**e : I'd rather not if you don’t mind

Who the f*ck are you? : Are you new here?

No f*cker told me : I wasn't given that piece of information

What sort of clueless f*ck wit are you? : You haven't done this before, have you?

You've made a right *****-up of that: It's the sort of mistake anyone could make

I'm dying for a s**t : I'm going to wash my hands

It's f*cked : It's broken but I think I can fix it

It's completely f*cked : It's broken beyond repair

F*ck off : I'd like to be alone for a while if you don't mind

F*ck off you ****** : You are a very rude man

[Blue84]

If only it were that easy to say those things

[Boro Sera]

this should be issued to all council employees......... they seem to tick every box !

[Jamesb4uk]

I've probably uttered 90% of those myself

J

[Jinxed]

I've probably uttered 90% of those myself

J

I'm probably GOING to utter 90% of those myself

[Lou-Lou]

Yup that sounds about right... god I hate these people...

Just emailed this round the office.. so they can 'translate' my comments...