Work Advice Needed

[Blue84]

Morning All, I know this is a Toyota Forum but I need some help if possible!

Due to some personal problems which have been majority caused by work I have not been in this week, things even got so bad on Monday that I took a few too many tablets in one go (nothing that harmed me tho, I got medical advice and am fine). My Dad called up work for me at the beginning of the week and explained that I wouldn't be in - he used a different story which I and my Brother have carried on every day this week.

Now my main problem is that the thought of going back there is giving me panic attacks and I think that I am depressed - something which I am going to the Doctor about too. I'm on a probationary period & in that it requires a weeks notice, but the thought of doing that makes me feel awful and I really can't bear it. I don't know really where to go from here - I've discussed the situation a lot with my Family and everyone has said that because of the state I am in I need to quit. However if I quit I am worried that they can force me to work the notice (or sue me?) or if I was to put my resignation in writing & cite that I have to look after my Family (which connects to the story above) and claim on personal grounds external from work that I can no longer work? I was at my previous employer for 4 years and have only been at this one for 3 months...so I know I am able to get a good reference from my previous employer anyway.

Does anyone have any advice/experience they can offer me?

[MarcTS]

Sorry to hear that work is making you feel like this. I don't have any personal experiences of this as although my job is hard and stressful, I really do enjoy it. However from a few practical points here is what I can suggest...

1) If you are going to see a Doctor about depression then ask them to sign you off from work for 2 weeks. Then after the first week, hand your notice in citing personal issues. That should mean you avoid having to go back to work and also might stop work thinking something strange is going on.

2) If someone or some people at work are doing things to make you feel so depressed then you need to speak to HR and tell them you want to leave the company and will be persuing constructive dismissal as the reason due to co-workers making it impossible to be productive and it impacting your personal well being.

Good luck with whatever you do and I hope you find a speedy resolution :)

[Boro Sera]

Hi,

sorry to hear that all's not well with the job situation. The only thing I can add to what Marc said is that IF you do have to go back for a week then just remember it's only 5 more days then it's all over. If it's getting to you to this level then 5 more days isn't really a massive price to pay to get shot of the situation once and for all .

Good luck Tina

[Ed_Shek]

Hope the the above solves your problem with work. Good luck!

[Jinxed]

empathy.... :(

firstly nearly everyone has some form of mental health issue at some point in their lives and the vast majority make a full recovery, and find themselves stronger for the experience later. There is no shame in asking for help(its actually the smart thing to do and you've done it with your doc :)). secondly, depression(some forms) can be one of the easiest conditions to alleviate for a skilled professional. Thirdly, although I appreciate your things must seem dificult to you right now.... I got the feeling your coping to some degree... seeking help is a positive coping strategy for example so I guess your helping yourself which is a good thing

if your seeing a doctor about depression I hope they make you aware that the most effective treatment for it is a combination of medication and counselling. medication on its own is not as effective as counselling on its own but both together offer a quite improved possibility of quick recovery. In terms of modalities of counselling, ask if its possible to get a referral to a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy(CBT) counsellor, or if money isnt an issue then seek one privately(im not just saying pay for one.... it might be possible to see a very competent trainee for free through a voluntary organisation), it may be possible to get this from anywhere near an academic institute that teaches counselling just try the local services(id recommend only my numbers are all Northwest)

If your depression only began recently then its possible you may recover quickly with an appropriate treatment plan. part of that treatment plan may/could be a short course of anti-d's(prozac is one such that im aware can be given as short courses). this sometimes is enough to kick start a recovery process inline with some modality of talking therapy(as suggested my preference is CBT(it is very effective for depression in many cases)). There may be online counselling available from some organisation now also(google for it maybe).

One thing tho if you do see a counsellor... if you dont get on with them then find another.

Reg panic attacks, breathing exercises can help greatly.... im certain with google you can find some techniques... start with simple ones, practice them for 20 minutes a day, with small breaks(the object is not to feel uncomfortable whilst practiceing them). do this in a comfy quiet area where you will not be interupted. make this space comfy for yourself, candles, nice music(not thrash metal eg.), lieing on a duvet eg. When you can remember the steps you use and after practiceing them for a few weeks you will find it gets easier and easier to begin using those techniques effectively in situations where stressors are making you feel jittery. CBT would also be very helpful with the underlying issues contributing to this expression of inner turmoil.

Hope some of this is of use to you and you recover post haste

Best wishes

Jinxed

[Jamesb4uk]

Like the rest sorry to hear this...

I'd explain the situation to the doctor & like marc suggested get them to sign you off & get them to write a letter to your employer.

That should tdo the job.

Good luck.

J

[Kev Mc]

I can't really help but I'm really sorry to hear about your difficulties, good luck overcoming them & keep us posted about how things are going on, you're in my thoughts

[LittleMissToyota]

Good advice from Jinxed there, Blue.

I'd recommend booking an extended appointment with your doctor (or a double one) so you have the chance to talk about your problems without feeling too rushed. It's important the Doctor doesn't just prescribe AD's and offer no further support. I have known people who have been through similar situations and I really felt that they were pushed into ADs without any other offer of help (essential) in a kind of 'one in, one out' process as the NHS is now famous for.

With regards to your work... Repeat after me... It's only a job. Is it worth being so stressed over that it pushes you to ill-health? How easily could you find somewhere else? With your area of expertise, I reckon it will be a lot easier than you think. However, take action soon before your work history gets a 'black mark' due to the amount of time you've had off ill or made excuses not to go in. Consider making an appointment with your line manager to discuss these issues. Even if you still decide to leave, at least everyone will be informed.

~lmtx

[JappyBeast]

From the employers point of view, would it not help a little if you booked some time with your manager to talk about it?

Even if you dont go back there could be an understanding from their side also. They might even be able to help you.

I would like to think if any of my employees were going through a bad time at work they would come to see me.

Hope this helps and good luck!

[Bos]

I know what it's like, I've been there !

I feel very sorry for anyone who goes through it, as most people will at some time.

I found that 'tapping' the inside of the wrist with your fingers of your other hand, rapidly at first, then slowing down seems to take pressure off, it do'es help, try it.

Best of luck.

[dave.m]

Hi Blue 84,

Sorry to read about the situation you find yourself in. I cant offer any advice on your medical condition

but it looks like you have been given some very good advice from members above.

I can however offer a small bit of advice regarding the job. I am in a management position in my work

and have to deal with personnel issues. The employment laws have changed drastically in the past few

years. The emphasis is now very much on protecting the employee and not the employer. No employer

in there right mind would take issue to the condition you are in, and should be very sympathetic. I all-

ways find it would be better for you to explain the situation you are in and they should offer help or

accept your resignation without any conditions. I myself have written a glowing reference for an employee

who had to leave suddenly because of family issues. You dont have to go into great detail, just be honest

Good luck, we will all be thinking of you.

Dave.

PS if you still feel uncomfortable or unsure about employment issues, contact your local citizens advice

beurau. They do a great job.

[cfc1]

Hi Tina..

Very sorry to hear you are having issues, I think Jinxed has hit the nail on the head, very good advice.

I'm in the same sort of position as dave.m in that I am a manager at work, I not only have responsibility in making sure that the garage is running OK, but I also have the responsibility of making sure that those employees around me are OK too. I know this is a legal obligation, but I genuinely would take a real interest in the wellbeing of any member of staff who approached me with a problem of a personal nature, I would respect their privacy if it was a delicate issue and I would respect them more for being honest and coming to me with their problem. With honesty and integrity it is possible that I could help them.. even if it is only to ease the pressure of worrying about work.

Go to your boss (as high up the company ladder as you can go) and speak to him/her.. they might be more sympathetic than you think and offer you the support that you need from your work... you have nothing to loose.

Tina... take care of yourself, look after No.1.... you have friends you can talk to if you want them

Davy & Caroline

xxx

[dead_bodys_everywhere]

MOAR tablets = problems solved

[Demonic Angel]

Not really much else to add Tina, only that I'm really sorry to hear of your problems and that everyone given some sterling advice - if you seriously feel that you can't go back, then I would say don't - explain it to them as others have said and I'm sure they'll be understanding and sympathetic and waive the weeks notice.

I'm sure that when you feel better you will find another job in no time - you have a lot of experience under your belt and it's not like this company would be allowed to give you a bad reference anyway.

I would very much recommend seeing your doctor - don't feel like its nothing or you're wasting their time - it's something to you and its affecting your life. Ask them to put you in touch with a counsellor - talking to someone regularly will help you. You'll be right as rain in no time I'm sure.

All the very best

[Phoenix999]

My advice is....

Work is like an exercise.... if it hurts then don't do it and find a new exercise that you enjoy.

If you are unsure as to what new field of work you can go into the consider some form of agency work, try anything and everything.

I do wish you well but remember.... no one has ever been able to place a price on health. Value what you have and be selfish and look after yourself! Good luck :)

[Jinxed]

i know some people have suggested talking things through with the manager or a manager above and also suggested how they deal with others but without trying to be too negative about this we dont know exactly what it is about work thats not leaving blue feeling too happy. Plus, im pretty sure that those taking this line of advice arent actually the kind of ppl that cause such issues so they would be pretty approachable....

If it IS the manager then.... id be really careful. If the manager will make people feel like this without reason(he's a bully etc) the chances are that it wont get better if he gets tagged on radar, and without drastic measures taken by the company and ... well I have little faith in this. I speak from experience sadly also.

If the issue is not to do with management I'd say approach the manager if you trust them to deal with your issues sensitively with your best interests at heart. If your manager seems overly interested on a daily basis on shifting responsibility away from themselves.... start looking about now as LMT suggested.

also... if it is the manager or colleagues, be very careful to avoid getting angry, swear, or insult.... a manipulative manager can use these things to instantly dismiss people for threatening and abusive behaviour with little real possibility of succesfully challenging. If they felt threatened oor abused etc then it holds.

i find breaking things down into smaller steps helps me with problems when the whole gravity of stuff seems like its too much....

[JappyBeast]

You should feel like you can approach all managers, if not, they are poor managers.

It is their job to look after the staff. I know I do!

[Jinxed]

You should feel like you can approach all managers, if not, they are poor managers.

It is their job to look after the staff. I know I do!

the should in that is quite possibly the issue... not all managers are like you... and some of them would be being generously praised by calling them poor. Some of them are down right excrement undeserving of the persperation that would collect on us as we warmed our goolies on their burning bodies!

Plus any 'health and safety at work' etc laws can be effectively circumvented by a manipulative decietful manager relatively easilly.... i've seen it happening right in front of me... these people dont tend to put their darker natures on show for everyone... they single out, divide, destroy and move on.... I hate these types... espescially one

[Red Yaris 54]

I have only just picked up this thread Tina and sorry to hear about the problems.

I cannot add much more to what has already been posted, except to say that you DO have some good friends on here who can offer support anytime.

Thinking of you

Steve :)

[Blue84]

Hi all, thank you for all the replies - I wasn't expecting so many! :o :D

I'm also late in replying to this as I was tempted to harm myself yesterday and got into a really black mood so I texted my Sister, who turns out was also off work this week for a trapped nerve and went to hers for the night. I'm now feeling a lot stronger, but everytime I think of work I seem to loose the plot again :(

Anyway, I put my phone onto divert calls yesterday so it went to answerphone and I got a message left from my Manager which said basically that she was calling to see how things were, she hoped I was ok and if I didn't want to call the office then she gave me her mobile number and one of the higher up managers numbers also. She said she hoped my problems were getting better and she didn't sound annoyed or irate at all. However I didn't get the message 'til 10pm last night as my phone ran out of Battery aswell so I texted her instead as it was 10pmish just saying that I wasnt coping very well with the whole operation situation (it's the story) and that I'd let her know more soon. I also said hope I'm not in too much trouble! I feel like if I was to talk to her I'd just cry and really cry! She never replied & I haven't had any more calls today.....

You should feel like you can approach all managers, if not, they are poor managers.

It is their job to look after the staff. I know I do!

That's the thing - she doesn't understand that I can't clear all the work she allocates me even when I'm doing phone calls constantly, she won't take over bad complaint calls and she's always on my and another new-ish guys backs. I have to keep asking for help, as I also feel that I don't understand this field of Insurance and she's busy too so I have to wait, then I get more calls, loose track of what I was doing and ultimately end up creating more stuff to sort out. When I had a back to work interview (after getting a sickness bug which I was really poorly for) she bought up the whole issue with not clearing the work/calls thing and said that I wasn't doing anywhere near the amount of calls I was doing in my last job, she didn't see what the problem was and that I obviously wasn't planning my work properly. I explained my reasons why I was struggling and basically all I got told was to finish what i was doing before i helped the next caller (so put them on hold for a while which I don't like doing anyway) and that I had to really work hard to clear my work...it's just non-stop pressure, ontop of all the other problems I have at home.....

Sorry that was a rant, but as you can tell my head is a bit of a mess right now and I'm still very confused and not much further nearer to sorting stuff out.

[Jinxed]

Start looking around Blue asap!

From what youv'e put it appears to make quite a bit of sense.

I just sent you a pm and I hope within it is something useful ;)

[Demonic Angel]

I'm also late in replying to this as I was tempted to harm myself yesterday

Please assure us you will see a doctor or something Tina, none of this is worth harming yourself over. You might think the release of pain makes it better, but it doesn't and once you get into a reliance cycle you'll find it hard to stop.

Hurting yourself is not the answer. Take care of yourself.

[andyrp]

I can give you some advice on one of your original concerns about your one week notice period. I would not be too worried about it; your employer is not going to sue for for breach of contract - it would be waste of their time and money. Clearly you are not in a senior position otherwise you would be a) on a longer notice period and b) not even asking the question. The impact on the business is going to be negliglbe and they will, in all honesty, not be that concerned that you have failed to work your notice period. You can, if you wanted to, hand in your resignation and then ring in sick for the notice period; you don't need a doctors note for the first week of absence and then your notice period is complete.

Andy.

[Captain Weirdbeard]

Hi Blue84,

Sorry to hear of your difficulties. I can vouch for what Jinxed has said early on in this thread. I was in a similar situation to you at the start of this year and was made redundant when the GP certified me with debilitating depression. I was put on the list for counselling and prescribed Fluoxetine. The combination has helped me to the point that I am now able to enjoy thinking ahead once more. My medication has been reduced to the point where I shall stop altogether soon and I am now looking for a part time job to help me back into the saddle, so to speak.

There is a self help group in the Yahoo domain that might be of relevance to your current condition. If you do not have a Yahoo account already, don't worry, it is free to subscribe to if you can put up with some degree of advertising (which can mostly be supressed using script and pop-up blockers). You might find the message archive there a useful resource...

http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/dysthymia/

At the very least, it is a good place to pour out your woes.

Let us know how you go on please.

[Blue84]

Hi All,

Thank you once again for all the support in your replies and the PM's too (which I apologise for not responding too yet).

I've been thinking this over constantly and I've now emailed my Supervisor (after more than 2 hours trying to figure out what to say - which is absurd I know but it's how I am at the minute :() saying that I am going to the Doctors tomorrow because of my stress so I can either let her know more afterwards or they can accept the email as my immediate resignation. Depending on what the Doctor says & I've been advised by a few close people too that I could well be signed off anyway due to the extent of my thoughts and the tablet incident last Monday too. I'm still not feeling great at all and I cry at the tiniest of things all the time...I can't train my thoughts to be positive at the minute and feel that staying home is the best thing for me. Yet those of you that have met me and know me will know that I'm pretty chatty and quite outgoing so to want to stay hidden away, not talk to anyone and not be seen is not right for me!

I hope that my Employer will be leniant towards me and not make me work the weeks notice...if they did then I'm pretty certain I would have a nervous breakdown so that's the current situation at the moment and I imagine tomorrow I'll either have a really bad response from work or maybe some of the pressure that I'm feeling will have been lifted from me.

Again thanks to everyone for all your input so far and if anyone has anything further to add then please do so.

Tina