Picnic

[Raistlin]

Tooth Fairy Form Letter

Dear ____________:

Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of

lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your

request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

( ) the tooth could not be found

( ) it was not a human tooth

( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny

( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odour

( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash

( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you

(x) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth

fairy

( ) you were age 12 or older at the time your request was received

( ) the tooth is still in your mouth

(x) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time

of our visit

( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit

(x) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or

were missing

( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:

[ ] string

[ ] pliers

[ ] gunpowder

[ ] hammer marks

[ ] chisel

[ ] part of skull attached to tooth

[ ] no dental care

( ) other:

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following

certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near

you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in

the future.

Sincerely,

The Tooth Fairy

[Hou]

I like that one, save it for when i get kids!

[Boro Sera]

I've heard if you go to sleep with your head under your pillow that the Tooth Fairy takes all of your teeth.

10p a tooth won't pay for the falsies ! - - stingy cow !

[Raistlin]

One day, a Smartie and a Polo were having a drink in the pub.

Suddenly the pub door swings open and in walks a Humbug.

“O spit” shouts Polo, and immediately dives under the table.

“What are you doing that for?” says Smartie.

“That humbug always gives me a right good kicking whenever I see

him, so I’m hiding from him” says Polo.

“You should stand up to him” says Smartie. “He’ll respect you more

if you do”

Sure enough, the humbug walks over and gives the Polo a right slap.

“F**k off you stripy ******, or I’ll knock the f**king s**it out of

you” says Polo.

“Hey, no problem man, can I buy you a drink” says Humbug.

“Told you so” says Smartie.

The next night Polo and Smartie are sitting in the pub again, when in

walks Humbug with his mate, Tune.

“Bugger me” shouts Polo again diving under the table.

“What the f**k are you doing that for again” says Smartie.

“I know you said stand up to bullies, but thats Tune” says Polo.

“So what?” says Smartie.

“He's f**king menthol” says Polo.

[Calisto]

LMAO.

Thats brill!!!!

[Kev Mc]

Love the tooth fairy 1

[Raistlin]

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was a

hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh! If I go down three

inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."

There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down three

inches I can eat him."

There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down three

inches... that fish will jump for the fly... and I will eat him."

It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the lake,

preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh!" he thought, "If that fly goes

down three inches... and that fish leaps for it... that bear will expose

himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and then have a proper

lunch."

You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but I

can tell you there was more.

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh! If that fly goes down

three inches... and that fish jumps for that fly ...and that bear grabs for

that fish... the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."

A cat, lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was

fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunchtime,

"Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that

fly... and that bear grabs for that fish ...and that hunter shoots that

bear... and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich... then I can

have mouse for lunch."

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the

cooling mist of the water... The fish swallows the fly... The bear grabs

the fish.. The hunter shoots the bear... The mouse grabs the cheese

sandwich... The cat jumps for the mouse... The mouse ducks...The cat falls

into the water and drowns.

The moral of the story is....

Whenever a fly goes down three inches... Somewhere there's a pussy in trouble.

[DCM]

Here's one for ye ...........

2 women walking home drunk had to do a pee so they ducked into a graveyard to do their buisness.

They had no toilet roll on them so one woman used her knickers and threw them away,

the other found a ribbon from a wreath and used that.

The next day their husbands were chating down the pub when one says to the other....

" we had better keep an eye on our wives mate, mine came home last night without her knickers! "

" you think thats bad!! " came the reply,

" mine came home with a card stuck in her a*se saying..... from all the lads at the fire station, we'll never forget you."