Dark Sucker

[Raistlin]

Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light.

However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric

bulbs don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs

dark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs

spokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than

that of light, and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark.

Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is

less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark

sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark.

Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room.

As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they

can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark

sucker.

A candle is a primitive dark sucker, A new candle has a white

wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black,

representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a

pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black

because it got in the path of the dark flowing into the candle.

Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.

There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all

of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When

the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before

the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this

mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark

sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the

solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of

heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is

also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets

slowly darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty

feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to

the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats to the top.

The immense power of dark can be utilized to mans advantage.

We can collect the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through

turbines, which generate electricity and help push it to the ocean where it

may be safely stored.

Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean.

The Indians recognized this problem, and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe traveling in

the same direction as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark,

but when they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light.

If you were to stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly

open the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our lives much easier.

So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.

[Red Yaris 54]

Oh Rly?

Hope you did not waste your time typing that out :P Because I wasted mine reading it

[bothwell_buyer]

Please help. You are clearly one who understands.

I am going thru a dark period.

I don't want to be in a dark place but I am. I hate dark.

I get tablets to help me get away from dark. they work for a short time then I get back into the dark again.

Its not nice being in a dark place cos it sucks up all yer light.

After 10 years of being in a dark place, I'm finding even darker places now. My doctor doesn't understand about dark places cos hes never been there.

I drink whisky becos it releases me from the dark places, but then my doctor and my psycho tell me drinking alcohol can lead to dark things, but how do they know? I've never met them when they are drunk. Why do they wear black - to make me feel as if I am in dark?

Being in dark can be terrible for people. I know.

At the moment I am struggling cos its getting darker and I can't see who I can talk to cos its so dark.

Why is it that if you are in dark, then no-one comes to you with light?

[Red Yaris 54]

Please help. You are clearly one who understands.

I am going thru a dark period.

I don't want to be in a dark place but I am. I hate dark.

I get tablets to help me get away from dark. they work for a short time then I get back into the dark again.

Its not nice being in a dark place cos it sucks up all yer light.

After 10 years of being in a dark place, I'm finding even darker places now. My doctor doesn't understand about dark places cos hes never been there.

I drink whisky becos it releases me from the dark places, but then my doctor and my psycho tell me drinking alcohol can lead to dark things, but how do they know? I've never met them when they are drunk. Why do they wear black - to make me feel as if I am in dark?

Being in dark can be terrible for people. I know.

At the moment I am struggling cos its getting darker and I can't see who I can talk to cos its so dark.

Why is it that if you are in dark, then no-one comes to you with light?

Bothy,

Once every three months or so I geta letter from a provider of light.

In this letter he tells me how much darkness I have sucked out and how much money he wants to suck out from my bank account.

I have found the solution for your darkness...............................................

PAY YOUR ELECTRICITY BILL :P ;) ..................................and take more water wiii yur whisky ;)