How To Know You Are Growing Older

[Raistlin]

1. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

2. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

3. You feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere.

4. Your little black book contains only names ending in M. D.

5. You get winded playing cards.

6. You join a health club and don't go.

7. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

8. You look forward to a dull evening.

9. You need glasses to find your glasses.

10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

11. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

12. Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.

13. Your back goes out more than you do.

14. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine chest.

15. You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there.

16. YOU WONDER WHY MORE PEOPLE DON'T USE THIS SIZE PRINT.

[Raistlin]

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.

I know you're about my age. How do you feel ?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

[Raistlin]

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a check up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

'Sure.'

'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!

Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast ?'

[Raistlin]

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool..

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

[Bizarra]

This is ageism & mocking the afflicted :shutit: Where are the Mods When you need them?

On behalf of POTOC (Pensioners of TOC)

Bizarra (Founder & Wheel- Chairman) :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

[Karma Supra]

I then checked out if it were possible and found this article. Read after reading below. Read After Reading below.

No Nursing Home For Me

For those of us in or approaching the golden years, here's some important news to avoid that nursing home.

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the westernMediterraneanaboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers,waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.

I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises."

She replied, "Yes, that's true."

I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home." So, there will be no nursing home in my future.

When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day.

I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. And an extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 14 days.

7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip, you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

10. Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, thePanama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go.

So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

PS: And don't forget, when you die, they give you a burial a sea at no charge

[Bizarra]

There IS a light @ the end of the tunnel, which is not the train coming in the opposite direction

[Karma Supra]

I had better get prepared... They kindy announced that old age officially starts at 27 when your brain and nervous system begin to self destruct.... less than two weeks before my 27th Birthday.

Thanks.

[Bizarra]

I had better get prepared... They kindy announced that old age officially starts at 27 when your brain and nervous system begin to self destruct.... less than two weeks before my 27th Birthday.

Thanks.

Yeah I read that article. too & laughed & laughed &................. :lol2:

I should be a vegetable, by now, according to that.

Of course,ignoring Methuselah, & way before modern medicine, the life expectancy was about 36. That was an article in papers too

[Raistlin]

I should be a vegetable, by now, according to that.

And your point is...........

[Bizarra]

I should be a vegetable, by now, according to that.

And your point is...........

Does being a smart Cookie count ? :bookworm: